Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Jet. Lag.
Dang. It's been a week and I'm still jet lagged. That's what not having a schedule will do to you -- you stay off schedule!
Anyway, I spend most of my time in my parents' basement nowadays, and I'm LOVING IT. Granted it's only been a week, but it's really nice to relax. I'm enjoying the weather, time with my parents, and practically being a vegetable. Being home is doing a hell of a lot for my mood swings, too. It's nice to be able to perform basic functions like going to the grocery store or the bank and not being grumpy as a result of miscommunication/misinterpretation/misconceptions. One thing I don't miss about being in China is the constant need to explain myself (waah wah, I know. story of my life). But really. Maybe it was my own damn fault for picking those fights or getting riled up in defending myself as a(n) __________ (American, (Western?) female, English-speaker, whatever other mold I don't fit in their eyes). At whatever expense to me (I think I must have driven myself to insanity and back at some points), I never stepped down, and through that, I expressed what I wanted to: that I am here, I exist, and I am me...whether you want to believe it or not. The anger is slowly subsiding and I'm thinking that the time will come where I will be able to redirect this energy into something positive. I can't wait to get started on life, post-China. I just need to find some outlets for to express this energy before it fades. Internship, grad school, etc.? I hope something works out for me during this recession-ridden time.
I'm not sure how long this will last, but for the first time in a long time, I've been able to appreciate everything in my life. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and I think that's really true. I know I've gained lots (as well as lost) out of the past 10 months in China, but the most important thing for me right now is that it taught me to not take things for granted anymore. As much as I've tried to do that in my life, this is the first time I can say that I truly feel that way.
Some things I LOVE about America, in no particular order:
*Bacon
*Political dialogue
*Multiculturalism: I can't say things are all gravy here in the states, but I do appreciate the sense of solidarity among minorities in America. To a certain extent, we've been forced to identify with each other because of some aspects, whether it be that we're immigrants, children of immigrants, lived in low-income neighborhoods, share ethnic cuisine that require non-mainstream grocery shopping (mmm!), grappled with the same policy issues (affirmative action, etc.), been pitted against the majority, been forced into ESL courses, etc. This goes for all people of color, but I'll talk about what I notice most, and that's the cohesiveness among Asian-American communities under what we've been dubbed (Asian-American). It doesn't matter if you're Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai, or Cambodian. In America, we've been lumped into just being "Asian," in a Western land where our Eastern similarities run deeper than our differences. Thus the formation of some simple examples of this, such as Asian grocery stores, "Chinatowns" that encompass just about all Asian ethnicities, to more organized groups such as Asian-American student unions, Asian-American alliance groups, etc. I'm not saying that schisms between Asians don't exist in America, but that America is just a bigger pond for these Asian fish, in strange places, we tend to gravitate to what's more familiar. And sometimes that makes for some of the closest connections.
*Good food
*sanitation
*traffic laws
*the educational system: It's got its flaws, but I'm so happy I didn't grow up in a Chinese educational system. Teaching in it really showed me a lot, and I am so happy that I've had the opportunity to complete school in America and go through a liberal arts education in college. Maybe it has brainwashed me into asserting its superiority, but I've never been a fan of rigid learning and institutions. So basically if I were going to school in China, I probably would be a high school drop-out or something.
*uncensored internet, freedom of information
*weather
*English books!
*Having stuff
This is not an exhaustive list. It's 5:30 a.m. and I'm just rambling. I should get to bed so I can be ready to hit up all the 7-11s on slurpee day tomorrow. Weeee!
Anyway, I spend most of my time in my parents' basement nowadays, and I'm LOVING IT. Granted it's only been a week, but it's really nice to relax. I'm enjoying the weather, time with my parents, and practically being a vegetable. Being home is doing a hell of a lot for my mood swings, too. It's nice to be able to perform basic functions like going to the grocery store or the bank and not being grumpy as a result of miscommunication/misinterpretation/misconceptions. One thing I don't miss about being in China is the constant need to explain myself (waah wah, I know. story of my life). But really. Maybe it was my own damn fault for picking those fights or getting riled up in defending myself as a(n) __________ (American, (Western?) female, English-speaker, whatever other mold I don't fit in their eyes). At whatever expense to me (I think I must have driven myself to insanity and back at some points), I never stepped down, and through that, I expressed what I wanted to: that I am here, I exist, and I am me...whether you want to believe it or not. The anger is slowly subsiding and I'm thinking that the time will come where I will be able to redirect this energy into something positive. I can't wait to get started on life, post-China. I just need to find some outlets for to express this energy before it fades. Internship, grad school, etc.? I hope something works out for me during this recession-ridden time.
I'm not sure how long this will last, but for the first time in a long time, I've been able to appreciate everything in my life. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and I think that's really true. I know I've gained lots (as well as lost) out of the past 10 months in China, but the most important thing for me right now is that it taught me to not take things for granted anymore. As much as I've tried to do that in my life, this is the first time I can say that I truly feel that way.
Some things I LOVE about America, in no particular order:
*Bacon
*Political dialogue
*Multiculturalism: I can't say things are all gravy here in the states, but I do appreciate the sense of solidarity among minorities in America. To a certain extent, we've been forced to identify with each other because of some aspects, whether it be that we're immigrants, children of immigrants, lived in low-income neighborhoods, share ethnic cuisine that require non-mainstream grocery shopping (mmm!), grappled with the same policy issues (affirmative action, etc.), been pitted against the majority, been forced into ESL courses, etc. This goes for all people of color, but I'll talk about what I notice most, and that's the cohesiveness among Asian-American communities under what we've been dubbed (Asian-American). It doesn't matter if you're Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai, or Cambodian. In America, we've been lumped into just being "Asian," in a Western land where our Eastern similarities run deeper than our differences. Thus the formation of some simple examples of this, such as Asian grocery stores, "Chinatowns" that encompass just about all Asian ethnicities, to more organized groups such as Asian-American student unions, Asian-American alliance groups, etc. I'm not saying that schisms between Asians don't exist in America, but that America is just a bigger pond for these Asian fish, in strange places, we tend to gravitate to what's more familiar. And sometimes that makes for some of the closest connections.
*Good food
*sanitation
*traffic laws
*the educational system: It's got its flaws, but I'm so happy I didn't grow up in a Chinese educational system. Teaching in it really showed me a lot, and I am so happy that I've had the opportunity to complete school in America and go through a liberal arts education in college. Maybe it has brainwashed me into asserting its superiority, but I've never been a fan of rigid learning and institutions. So basically if I were going to school in China, I probably would be a high school drop-out or something.
*uncensored internet, freedom of information
*weather
*English books!
*Having stuff
This is not an exhaustive list. It's 5:30 a.m. and I'm just rambling. I should get to bed so I can be ready to hit up all the 7-11s on slurpee day tomorrow. Weeee!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I'm free!!
For the first time in two months, I can access my blog without a censor. For the first time, I feel happy about my environment. For once, I just feel SO good. I've been out of China for about five days now and am enjoying every moment of it. I'm glad I stayed in China for the entire school year, but it's times like this when I realize I may have overdone my stay. It's weird how your envirornment can change your state of mind so much. At least for me. I've always been one to take things to heart, and I feel like the social psyche just encroached far too much on my state of mind. Anyway, it's over. I've moved on.
Vietnam's not perfect and I don't mean to make it sound like it is. Take all this with a grain of salt - I'm on a post-China high right now! Hehe. All I can say now is that I feel such a relief being here, though. I'm really happy to see all the progress in the country since the last time I've been here and I'm really proud that this is where my cultural and ethnic heritage lies.
Although, I am tired of being treated like a foreigner here...talk about the irony. I come from China where everyone refuses to believe I'm not Chinese, and then now that I'm here, everyone assumes I'm a Japanese or Korean. Of course, people believe me when I tell them I'm not and don't try to argue with me. But it's still frustrating. I went on the bus today and everyone stared at me the whole time. I guess not a lot of foreigners ride the bus. Blah. I guess I kinda felt to a degree how "obvious" foreigners feel when they're in Asia. Except I AM Viet! I promise!
There's a lot on my mind and I can't put everything into words right now. But it's really hot here! I think I got heatstroke today. And I'm eating everything! And motorbikes are soooo much better than e-bikes. OOOK, that's all for now. More later!
Vietnam's not perfect and I don't mean to make it sound like it is. Take all this with a grain of salt - I'm on a post-China high right now! Hehe. All I can say now is that I feel such a relief being here, though. I'm really happy to see all the progress in the country since the last time I've been here and I'm really proud that this is where my cultural and ethnic heritage lies.
Although, I am tired of being treated like a foreigner here...talk about the irony. I come from China where everyone refuses to believe I'm not Chinese, and then now that I'm here, everyone assumes I'm a Japanese or Korean. Of course, people believe me when I tell them I'm not and don't try to argue with me. But it's still frustrating. I went on the bus today and everyone stared at me the whole time. I guess not a lot of foreigners ride the bus. Blah. I guess I kinda felt to a degree how "obvious" foreigners feel when they're in Asia. Except I AM Viet! I promise!
There's a lot on my mind and I can't put everything into words right now. But it's really hot here! I think I got heatstroke today. And I'm eating everything! And motorbikes are soooo much better than e-bikes. OOOK, that's all for now. More later!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Xi'an pics
I went to Xi'an for Tomb Sweeping Day, which is a Chinese holiday reserved for people to honor their ancestors and for them to...sweep their tombs. I don't have ancestors (that I can track down at least...) in China, so I went to Xi'an...the next best thing. So many tombs!
Here are some pics:
"An estimated 120 million people mourned for the deceased at graveyards or memorial parks on Saturday, China's traditional Qingming or Tomb-Sweeping Day, the Ministry of Civil Affairs said."
Here are some pics:
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tomb Sweeping Day is my favorite holiday.
Just came back from a few days of vacation in Xi'an. Pictures to come soon. I had a really good time. Xi'an is the old imperial capital of China and is the home of the Terracotta Warriors, which were found in the 1970s by peasants digging a well. A whole army of warriors underground guarding the path to a former ruler's tomb (he was a ruthless man, said to have had the army built because he feared retribution). I don't even know how far the warriors date back to...I'll have to do some research. The old city used to also be walled in- and the four walls still stand. We cycled around the top of the wall and saw pretty much the entire city that way at sunset. Sigh, it was all love this weekend in this love-hate relationship I have with China. I'll write more about this later.
All this traveling lately has brought on some of those life epiphanies (or rushed conclusions, haha). I've decided to delay grad school for a little longer - maybe six months, maybe a year. But I'm at a crossroad right now where I'm not sure how I want to spend my time. I miss home, but I don't think I can step back into the ailing economy right now. It's expensive to live in the states and I'm pretty sure I can't support myself there unless I live at home. This leads me to rely on teaching English, which I'm happy to do, but I'm not sure how I want to do it now. Argh, this is ten times worse than senior year of college because at this point, I still don't know what I want, but I have a better idea of what I don't want (for next year, at least). I'm less inclined to hastily sign contracts and I've decided that China isn't for me (which rules out about a bazillion good teaching jobs).
I'm tempted follow my passion and volunteer somewhere that really could use the help. I'm fascinated by these small NGOs that are efficiently making differences in their own little facets in developing countries, albeit their impact may be small-scale in the global sense. When it comes down to it, I think that's where my skills will go the farthest. I recently started reading about an organization called A New Day in Cambodia that helps children who are scavengers at dump sites by teaching them English. I don't doubt that this is extremely hard work (no matter how badly we want to romanticize lending a helping hand to poverty), but sometimes I think I'd feel better taking a risk like and contributing to some type of upward economic mobility rather than offering my minimal experience teaching English at college level with only my native-accent to offer. I've grown weary of the way the system has been set up in China (along with a slew of other criticisms), so I know at least that I won't be doing my next year here. Even if it does offer me good pay and everything is really cheap (aw, how I'll miss spending no more than $3 a day, most days).
As much as I dream about volunteering, it looks like I'm about to break even this year with my travel expenses and my earnings. That's actually quite good considering everything I've been able to do this year...in any other situation, I'd definitely be in the poor house. But I'm probably just going to have to find a good paying English teaching job somewhere. I have Taiwan and Vietnam on my mind now... Another month or so and the panic will set in. I'm sure I'll make a decision by then.
All this traveling lately has brought on some of those life epiphanies (or rushed conclusions, haha). I've decided to delay grad school for a little longer - maybe six months, maybe a year. But I'm at a crossroad right now where I'm not sure how I want to spend my time. I miss home, but I don't think I can step back into the ailing economy right now. It's expensive to live in the states and I'm pretty sure I can't support myself there unless I live at home. This leads me to rely on teaching English, which I'm happy to do, but I'm not sure how I want to do it now. Argh, this is ten times worse than senior year of college because at this point, I still don't know what I want, but I have a better idea of what I don't want (for next year, at least). I'm less inclined to hastily sign contracts and I've decided that China isn't for me (which rules out about a bazillion good teaching jobs).
I'm tempted follow my passion and volunteer somewhere that really could use the help. I'm fascinated by these small NGOs that are efficiently making differences in their own little facets in developing countries, albeit their impact may be small-scale in the global sense. When it comes down to it, I think that's where my skills will go the farthest. I recently started reading about an organization called A New Day in Cambodia that helps children who are scavengers at dump sites by teaching them English. I don't doubt that this is extremely hard work (no matter how badly we want to romanticize lending a helping hand to poverty), but sometimes I think I'd feel better taking a risk like and contributing to some type of upward economic mobility rather than offering my minimal experience teaching English at college level with only my native-accent to offer. I've grown weary of the way the system has been set up in China (along with a slew of other criticisms), so I know at least that I won't be doing my next year here. Even if it does offer me good pay and everything is really cheap (aw, how I'll miss spending no more than $3 a day, most days).
As much as I dream about volunteering, it looks like I'm about to break even this year with my travel expenses and my earnings. That's actually quite good considering everything I've been able to do this year...in any other situation, I'd definitely be in the poor house. But I'm probably just going to have to find a good paying English teaching job somewhere. I have Taiwan and Vietnam on my mind now... Another month or so and the panic will set in. I'm sure I'll make a decision by then.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Singapore
I went to Singapore last week. This is what I did:
-was comforted by a familiar face (my friend Melissa from college)
-hung out with crazy models
-turned 23
-ate everything i physically could - a diverse selection of Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Malay, and 7-11 food!
-saw otters recycling cans and bottles
-stood an inch away from the cutest bat ever
-reaffirmed that i'm ready for a change
-realized that china makes every other country looks perfect
-got my eyebrows threaded
-spoke to everyone because i COULD
-surprisingly spoke a lot more Chinese than i do in China
-bummed on a fake beach filled with imported sand
-spent more time in subway stations than anywhere else
-fell in love with little india
-drank with an indonesian, some koreans, a german, american, south african, brit, and singaporeans on my first night
-appreciates multicultural societies even more than before
-got a sweet back massage
-felt relief in terms of the environment i was in
-bought a book in english: j.m. coetzee's disgrace
-read more than half of the book...need to save it for fuzhou
Friday, March 13, 2009
China sightings
Some more Chinglish...
This picture was taken right before the man started beating one of the monkeys. I have no idea what was happening - it appeared to be some type of performance?? It was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I might just be making assumptions about this now, but the whole monkey man business makes me terrified of the new zoo that just opened in town.
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