我是老師

2009-12-23T18:25:00.000-08:00

Jet. Lag.

2009-07-11T04:48:00.001-07:00

Dang. It's been a week and I'm still jet lagged. That's what not having a schedule will do to you -- you stay off schedule!

Anyway, I spend most of my time in my parents' basement nowadays, and I'm LOVING IT. Granted it's only been a week, but it's really nice to relax. I'm enjoying the weather, time with my parents, and practically being a vegetable. Being home is doing a hell of a lot for my mood swings, too. It's nice to be able to perform basic functions like going to the grocery store or the bank and not being grumpy as a result of miscommunication/misinterpretation/misconceptions. One thing I don't miss about being in China is the constant need to explain myself (waah wah, I know. story of my life). But really. Maybe it was my own damn fault for picking those fights or getting riled up in defending myself as a(n) __________ (American, (Western?) female, English-speaker, whatever other mold I don't fit in their eyes). At whatever expense to me (I think I must have driven myself to insanity and back at some points), I never stepped down, and through that, I expressed what I wanted to: that I am here, I exist, and I am me...whether you want to believe it or not. The anger is slowly subsiding and I'm thinking that the time will come where I will be able to redirect this energy into something positive. I can't wait to get started on life, post-China. I just need to find some outlets for to express this energy before it fades. Internship, grad school, etc.? I hope something works out for me during this recession-ridden time.

I'm not sure how long this will last, but for the first time in a long time, I've been able to appreciate everything in my life. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and I think that's really true. I know I've gained lots (as well as lost) out of the past 10 months in China, but the most important thing for me right now is that it taught me to not take things for granted anymore. As much as I've tried to do that in my life, this is the first time I can say that I truly feel that way.

Some things I LOVE about America, in no particular order:
*Bacon
*Political dialogue
*Multiculturalism: I can't say things are all gravy here in the states, but I do appreciate the sense of solidarity among minorities in America. To a certain extent, we've been forced to identify with each other because of some aspects, whether it be that we're immigrants, children of immigrants, lived in low-income neighborhoods, share ethnic cuisine that require non-mainstream grocery shopping (mmm!), grappled with the same policy issues (affirmative action, etc.), been pitted against the majority, been forced into ESL courses, etc. This goes for all people of color, but I'll talk about what I notice most, and that's the cohesiveness among Asian-American communities under what we've been dubbed (Asian-American). It doesn't matter if you're Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai, or Cambodian. In America, we've been lumped into just being "Asian," in a Western land where our Eastern similarities run deeper than our differences. Thus the formation of some simple examples of this, such as Asian grocery stores, "Chinatowns" that encompass just about all Asian ethnicities, to more organized groups such as Asian-American student unions, Asian-American alliance groups, etc. I'm not saying that schisms between Asians don't exist in America, but that America is just a bigger pond for these Asian fish, in strange places, we tend to gravitate to what's more familiar. And sometimes that makes for some of the closest connections.
*Good food
*sanitation
*traffic laws
*the educational system: It's got its flaws, but I'm so happy I didn't grow up in a Chinese educational system. Teaching in it really showed me a lot, and I am so happy that I've had the opportunity to complete school in America and go through a liberal arts education in college. Maybe it has brainwashed me into asserting its superiority, but I've never been a fan of rigid learning and institutions. So basically if I were going to school in China, I probably would be a high school drop-out or something.
*uncensored internet, freedom of information
*weather
*English books!
*Having stuff

This is not an exhaustive list. It's 5:30 a.m. and I'm just rambling. I should get to bed so I can be ready to hit up all the 7-11s on slurpee day tomorrow. Weeee!

I'm free!!

2009-06-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

For the first time in two months, I can access my blog without a censor. For the first time, I feel happy about my environment. For once, I just feel SO good. I've been out of China for about five days now and am enjoying every moment of it. I'm glad I stayed in China for the entire school year, but it's times like this when I realize I may have overdone my stay. It's weird how your envirornment can change your state of mind so much. At least for me. I've always been one to take things to heart, and I feel like the social psyche just encroached far too much on my state of mind. Anyway, it's over. I've moved on.

Vietnam's not perfect and I don't mean to make it sound like it is. Take all this with a grain of salt - I'm on a post-China high right now! Hehe. All I can say now is that I feel such a relief being here, though. I'm really happy to see all the progress in the country since the last time I've been here and I'm really proud that this is where my cultural and ethnic heritage lies.

Although, I am tired of being treated like a foreigner here...talk about the irony. I come from China where everyone refuses to believe I'm not Chinese, and then now that I'm here, everyone assumes I'm a Japanese or Korean. Of course, people believe me when I tell them I'm not and don't try to argue with me. But it's still frustrating. I went on the bus today and everyone stared at me the whole time. I guess not a lot of foreigners ride the bus. Blah. I guess I kinda felt to a degree how "obvious" foreigners feel when they're in Asia. Except I AM Viet! I promise!

There's a lot on my mind and I can't put everything into words right now. But it's really hot here! I think I got heatstroke today. And I'm eating everything! And motorbikes are soooo much better than e-bikes. OOOK, that's all for now. More later!

Xi'an pics

2009-04-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

I went to Xi'an for Tomb Sweeping Day, which is a Chinese holiday reserved for people to honor their ancestors and for them to...sweep their tombs. I don't have ancestors (that I can track down at least...) in China, so I went to Xi'an...the next best thing. So many tombs!

"An estimated 120 million people mourned for the deceased at graveyards or memorial parks on Saturday, China's traditional Qingming or Tomb-Sweeping Day, the Ministry of Civil Affairs said."

Here are some pics:

Tomb Sweeping Day is my favorite holiday.

2009-04-06T05:59:00.001-07:00

Just came back from a few days of vacation in Xi'an. Pictures to come soon. I had a really good time. Xi'an is the old imperial capital of China and is the home of the Terracotta Warriors, which were found in the 1970s by peasants digging a well. A whole army of warriors underground guarding the path to a former ruler's tomb (he was a ruthless man, said to have had the army built because he feared retribution). I don't even know how far the warriors date back to...I'll have to do some research. The old city used to also be walled in- and the four walls still stand. We cycled around the top of the wall and saw pretty much the entire city that way at sunset. Sigh, it was all love this weekend in this love-hate relationship I have with China. I'll write more about this later.

All this traveling lately has brought on some of those life epiphanies (or rushed conclusions, haha). I've decided to delay grad school for a little longer - maybe six months, maybe a year. But I'm at a crossroad right now where I'm not sure how I want to spend my time. I miss home, but I don't think I can step back into the ailing economy right now. It's expensive to live in the states and I'm pretty sure I can't support myself there unless I live at home. This leads me to rely on teaching English, which I'm happy to do, but I'm not sure how I want to do it now. Argh, this is ten times worse than senior year of college because at this point, I still don't know what I want, but I have a better idea of what I don't want (for next year, at least). I'm less inclined to hastily sign contracts and I've decided that China isn't for me (which rules out about a bazillion good teaching jobs).

I'm tempted follow my passion and volunteer somewhere that really could use the help. I'm fascinated by these small NGOs that are efficiently making differences in their own little facets in developing countries, albeit their impact may be small-scale in the global sense. When it comes down to it, I think that's where my skills will go the farthest. I recently started reading about an organization called A New Day in Cambodia that helps children who are scavengers at dump sites by teaching them English. I don't doubt that this is extremely hard work (no matter how badly we want to romanticize lending a helping hand to poverty), but sometimes I think I'd feel better taking a risk like and contributing to some type of upward economic mobility rather than offering my minimal experience teaching English at college level with only my native-accent to offer. I've grown weary of the way the system has been set up in China (along with a slew of other criticisms), so I know at least that I won't be doing my next year here. Even if it does offer me good pay and everything is really cheap (aw, how I'll miss spending no more than $3 a day, most days).

As much as I dream about volunteering, it looks like I'm about to break even this year with my travel expenses and my earnings. That's actually quite good considering everything I've been able to do this year...in any other situation, I'd definitely be in the poor house. But I'm probably just going to have to find a good paying English teaching job somewhere. I have Taiwan and Vietnam on my mind now... Another month or so and the panic will set in. I'm sure I'll make a decision by then.

Singapore

2009-03-24T04:32:00.001-07:00

I went to Singapore last week. This is what I did:

-was comforted by a familiar face (my friend Melissa from college)
-hung out with crazy models
-turned 23
-ate everything i physically could - a diverse selection of Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Malay, and 7-11 food!
-saw otters recycling cans and bottles
-stood an inch away from the cutest bat ever
-reaffirmed that i'm ready for a change
-realized that china makes every other country looks perfect
-got my eyebrows threaded
-spoke to everyone because i COULD
-surprisingly spoke a lot more Chinese than i do in China
-bummed on a fake beach filled with imported sand
-spent more time in subway stations than anywhere else
-fell in love with little india
-drank with an indonesian, some koreans, a german, american, south african, brit, and singaporeans on my first night
-appreciates multicultural societies even more than before
-got a sweet back massage
-felt relief in terms of the environment i was in
-bought a book in english: j.m. coetzee's disgrace
-read more than half of the book...need to save it for fuzhou

China sightings

2009-03-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

Some more Chinglish...

This picture was taken right before the man started beating one of the monkeys. I have no idea what was happening - it appeared to be some type of performance?? It was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I might just be making assumptions about this now, but the whole monkey man business makes me terrified of the new zoo that just opened in town.

Grass Mud Horse

2009-03-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post about another NYTimes articleas well, but couldn't really bring myself to put it with the last post. Pat sent me this today:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/12/world/asia/12beast.html?hp

A YouTube children’s song about the beast has drawn nearly 1.4 million viewers. A grass-mud horse cartoon has logged a quarter million more views. A nature documentary on its habits attracted 180,000 more. Stores are selling grass-mud horse dolls. Chinese intellectuals are writing treatises on the grass-mud horse’s social importance. The story of the grass-mud horse’s struggle against the evil river crab has spread far and wide across the Chinese online community.

Not bad for a mythical creature whose name, in Chinese, sounds very much like an especially vile obscenity. Which is precisely the point.

The grass-mud horse is an example of something that, in China’s authoritarian system, passes as subversive behavior. Conceived as an impish protest against censorship, the foul-named little horse has not merely made government censors look ridiculous, although it has surely done that.

It has also raised real questions about China’s ability to stanch the flow of information over the Internet — a project on which the Chinese government already has expended untold riches, and written countless software algorithms to weed deviant thought from the world’s largest cyber-community.

So cao (third tone) is grass, ni (second tone) is mud, and ma (third tone) is horse. But Chinese is a tonal language, and ni (third tone) is you and ma (first tone) is mother. You can figure it out. I don't wanna write too much about this because I'm probably already on some watch list for what I've written in previous posts, but let's just say I'm a huge fan of this Grass Mud Horse. Totally gonna go out and get some plush dolls.

Remade in America

2009-03-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited about this new series on immigration in America in the New York Times that will start this Sunday. Education is the first theme, so they'll be talking about systems of learning for English Language Learners and how schools should approach bilingualism. I'm excited what else they have in store.

There's also this really sweet interactive map that allows you to see the concentration of ethnic groups (most by country) in each county in America. It's interesting to put it into numbers - my parents account for two of the 382 Vietnamese-born residents of Benton County in Washington. Crazy.

Interactive Map:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/03/10/us/20090310-immigration-explorer.html?hp

I feel that since Obama took office, we've been inundated with first, news about the economy and then second, about ethnic diversity in America. It's really awesome that this aspect of America is getting more attention, but part of me wonders if this is just a fad. I can see the media just moving on this wave of opportunity to do feature stories about people of color and their presence in America in light of our new "accomplishment" of bringing a black man to the White House. I hope that's not the case. Hopefully issues such as bilingualism in school and immigration policy (and the people affected by them) will not be confined to feature stories or special weekend newspaper pull-outs, but will progressively move to mainstream discussion. Take a look at the map - immigrants and people of color are no longer just a niche in America. The United States is more multicultural now than ever.

Three Facts About America

2009-03-05T02:50:00.001-08:00

I started classes last Monday at the new campus at Hwa Nan. I'm teaching Business English again and a new elective as well, called A Survey of British and American Culture (and other English-Speaking Countries). It's pretty interesting, although I'm encouraged to teach out of the book, which is ridiculously boring. I was bored with British history as a student, and I'm still bored with British History as a teacher. So I'll be focusing on American culture, mostly because I know it the best and it's the biggest section in the textbook anyways.

For the first day of class, I had my students write down three facts that they know about America. I was curious to know what they've heard about America, especially since many of the girls have never left the country and have very little knowledge of life beyond China (besides with they're fed through Hollywood and media). I remember one time, a student said to me, "I heard that in America...the sky is mostly blue. Is it true?" Man, I hope these girls can see make it out of the country and see something besides the white, smoggy skies of China.

Anyway, in their responses, almost all of the students wrote that the United States is a developed country, has a black president, and is having financial troubles. But among them were some more original and interesting "facts":

*American is tall because they like sports very much.
*American girls are very beautiful.
*American like eating beef and fried things.
*Some people are cruelty.
*The total area of the country is 9.5 million square kilometers.
*Decorations in their houses are very beautiful.

Haha. I like how many of these random facts are true. I'll definitely concur that some people are "cruelty" and that "American" like eating beef and fried things.

I'm a misfit? (And I'm back in China)

2009-03-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

There's this interesting article in the Economist about scientists finding a gene that a lot of nomadic people share: the 7R variant of a protein called DRD4. Previous work has shown that this variant is associated with novelty-seeking, food- and drug-cravings, and ADHD.

Here's the article:
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=11529402

They're talking about nomadic groups of people in Kenya, but I can see it relating to any type of nomad...expats or survival nomads alike. I don't know if I believe that the gene is responsible for all people with migratory tendencies, but it kinda makes sense that these people all share some type of common...abnormality? I'm not sure if that's the word, or that I'm exempt from it either. But it makes me wonder how many of these expats or people roaming the world are out because of their personality or this protein thing. What's the line between character and genetics?

Considering I haven't been in one place for more than six months in a while, I guess I've been kind of a nomad myself. And now that I can help it (as in I've graduated college), I'm not sure if I can stop. Even though I already know that I don't really like China, part of me is happy to be back and to be immersed in the craziness (novelty?) of it. And as uncomfortable as I feel here sometimes, there's a type of learning and growth that I get when I'm out of the country that I just can't get at home. Sometimes I feel like I crave it. I wouldn't be surprised if this gene is partly responsible for it.

Anyway, the researcher's findings show that the tendencies for nomadism used to be beneficial, since it was the nomads who would be more nourished and make more discoveries back then. But now..."his research raises the question of whether people suffering from ADHD and conditions related to it, such as addiction, are misfits coping with a genetic legacy that was useful in the evolutionary past, but is now damaging. As society continues to diverge from that evolutionary past, the economic and social consequences of being such a misfit may become increasingly important."

Aw, now what is so bad about nomadism??

Pictures

2009-02-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

So I've been back in America for a while now...and I actually only have a couple weeks until I go back to China. More on this later. Here are some pics, including pictures from my trips to Yangshuo, KL, Malaysia, and Manila and Palawan in the Philippines:

China Faves

Malaysia and the Philippines

2008-12-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

Pat is here! And I have finals tomorrow! Then I'm done and going to Xiamen, Yangshuo, Malaysia, Philippines, and then back to the States for a little while. So hasta la vista...you can follow my tiny blog entries at Twitter. Ganbei!

圣诞快乐!

2008-12-24T04:21:00.000-08:00

我的朋友门还有家人，
圣诞快乐! 还是... Chúc Mừng Noel, MERRY CHRISTMAS...

我很高兴有多人在都低反世界。
Whether you're in Asia, the Americas, Africa, Europe, or anywhere else in the world...
To all my friends and family, Merry Christmas!
我想你们。。。p.s. 我写中文很不好！我不知道我说什么！

I don't even carry a purse.

2008-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

For as patriarchal as most Asian countries are, I think it's fair to say that a certain level of equality (or reverse subservience?) has been achieved when it is a societal standard for a man to carry his significant other's purse.

I see it all the time here in China, but I think what stood out most to me was today, when I saw this totally macho, black-suited guy walking around today with a pink sequined cocktail purse while the girl he was with was frolicking around shopping for whatever jeweled item that caught her eye. I took the time to look around and saw every guy in the store just standing there, loitering around...most of them with PURSES. I have to say, it really brings a smile to my face every time I see it. It's pretty goofy looking, since the girls here are more eccentric about their accessories (think rhinestones and Hello Kitty. LOTS of rhinestones and Hello Kitty)...but it's also kind of cute to see a grown man donning a Hello Kitty purse.

I still can't wrap my head around it. There's definitely a patriarchal presence here, but what you see is something a little more progressive (or less gendered). Guys will walk around with matching shirts with their girlfriends (check Couple's T-shirt entry), follow their girlfriends around, and wear their PURSES. But I guess at the end of the day, the waiter still always looks at the man when giving the check, and males still definitely have that dominant role.

Fascinated with this phenomenon, I looked it up and found this hilarious entry on another blog about South Korea: How to properly carry your girlfriend's purse. Yup, it happens in Korea too!

Also, thanks to Pat and Eugene for making my day with these two articles:
Grumpy miracle pig gets voted most popular animal

Chinese seek to pull cats from the menu

Chinese Christmas

2008-12-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

If you happen to be a white Lao Wai male in China during the holiday season, there is a strong possibility that you will end up with the responsibility of acting as Santa Claus.

So let's face it.

Development as an umbrella term, whether it's economic, political, or social, often is a code word for Westernization. And that's exactly the direction that China's headed in right now with it's so-called "development." Or at least they're trying...whether it's the adaptation of cars, Western music, American t.v. shows, or chic high-rise apartments...

Thus, Western holidays are no exception - namely Christmas. But the thing with these adaptations of the West is that the Chinese just don't have it quite right...there are cars on the road, but no places to park them. The Western music here is comprised of a bizarre mix of one-hit wonders from the Billboard charts and at least a decade lag of general pop music. They watch shows like Prison Break which no one in America ever watches, and the high-rise, luxury apartments probably have a durability lifespan of two years. It's American life the way that the Chinese people interpret it.

So how have the Chinese interpreted Christmas? I don't even know. There are no words to explain it. But they're embracing it nonetheless - in their own way. My students ask me every day how I am going to spend my Christmas holiday, or how I used to spend it in America. I tell them the truth - that I spend the time with my family and I don't celebrate the religious aspect of it because my family is Buddhist. But we exchange gifts and celebrate the material aspect of it just like any other good ol' American family. And I guess I used to go see the mall Santa when I was younger...

And then my students are severely disappointed. All of them always have these grand notions that I used to run around singing Christmas carols every single day, chop down trees, and chill with Santa Claus or something. Maybe some Americans do that - I don't know. I feel like my "disappointing" Christmas story is just about as American as it gets - I know tons of family that aren't religious but celebrate Christmas the exact same way that my family does.

But that story just doesn't cut it here. Which kind of reflects the way a lot of other aspects of American culture are viewed in China. If it doesn't fit the mold of how they interpret it, then it's rejected - and it doesn't matter whether it's true or not. People in America don't all have fancy cell phones and cars (or even worse...don't CARE to)?? Noooo. Can't be. Americans are rich and have everything. America is multicultural? Noooo...everyone in America has blonde hair and blue eyes. The list goes on.

Although it may seem innocuous, I feel like this mindset can grow to become incredibly dangerous...it's an exotification of a location and its peoples based on what is expected of them, rather that what is actually true. The coin can be flipped and we can see how Western cultures have exoticized Asian cultures, hence Orientalism. I feel like exotification can be one of the most harmful things in society, both for the group that's exerting the notion and the group that it's imposed on. It's a mindset that stifles both populations in perpetuating a myth, and it deters actual understanding or mutually beneficial contacts between both sides. As long as a side is seen as "exotic" or the ascribed characteristics are based on expected notions, then there will always be that barrier in understanding (which is a burgeoning ground for intolerance).

So back to Christmas. I bring this up because I feel like the exotification/interpretation of Christmas and the holiday season here has made it turn out creepy as hell. First of all, the decorations here in China are scary because just like any other knock-off item here, it doesn't look quite the same. I can't wait til Christmas is over here so I don't have to look at another beatty-eyed Santa being pulled by his herd of rabid reindeer/rodent looking animals. And making every white lao wai dress up as Santa is NOT adapting the tradition, but distancing it even more in saying that Santa can only manifest as a foreigner. So maybe I've never seen an Asian Santa before, but what's wrong with having one in Asia...where most people are ASIAN?? And finally, people just freak out too much about Santa. We had one at English corner who got MOBBED the other day by our girls! What the heck. They pulled his hat and his beard and took his candy. This is probably somewhat of an isolated incident, but people just need to chill out about Santa. And to be honest, I just don't like the big fuss about Santa because he's always creeped me out. Call me a Scrooge, but I never really bought into the whole sneaking into your house in the middle of the night and eating your cookies thing as a child. How about not breaking in and entering? And one more thing. Chinese versions of Christmas songs should be outlawed. For my own personal sanity.

I really wish I could be home now for the holidays. I was never a big holiday person before, but hearing about all the snow and Christmas day plans makes me wish I was in Richland now. Guess you never know what you've got til you're missing it.

Blind Mountain

2008-12-14T04:29:00.000-08:00

I watched a movie called Blind Mountain the other day. The movie follows a girl who recently graduated from college and is tricked and ultimately forced into a situation where she's sold to a family in the country to marry their son. The movie takes place in the 90s and apparently this practice of being sold into families isn't uncommon at all. The kidnapping thing is another dimension to the story, but I know that many of my students here know of women in their mother's generation being sold into families as wives - whether to earn money for their family or as some type of exchange between families. So their parents' generation - since my students are pretty much my age, that means my generation. Crazy to put that into perspective.

Although the movie was set in China, it was filmed with the help of foreign donors and has had its own bouts with censorship. The film was pretty critical of China - I'm surprised I even found the DVD here. What was most interesting to me was not so much the story, but the areas that the director chose to emphasize. There were certain prolonged shots for certain scenes that you wouldn't think twice about if they didn't receive the time they did in the movie. And after living in China for a little while and understanding the social dynamics a little better, I could definitely see the significance of these scenes.

A theme that comes to mind is money. There are so many times when the girl who is kidnapped, Bai, I think was her name, was constantly denied basic human rights from officials and other citizens just because she didn't have money. Everyone knows that you can't get medical attention here in China unless you have money up front. It chilled me to see a scene where the doctor watched her on waiting room table as her wrists bleed, demanding money. The scene was well crafted and everything, but what got me was basically how much that scene has been repeated to me in my conversations with Chinese people. This is how the institution is here and everyone knows that sad truth. Perhaps it would be more understandable if China had another political system, but indeed, it is supposed to be the communist, People's Republic of China. The coldness in which the family treated the kidnapped girl (even though she constantly told them she was kidnapped) was appalling as well - and we see this in Chinese society so often. It's a survivalist mentality where no one else can be trusted in what they say or do, unless they're family (and even then, not always).

And the concept of Face. It's peppered everywhere in this movie and you can see it manifest itself in the most destructive ways. The idea of saving face was what caused the girl to be kidnapped and sold in the first place, so that the son in the family wouldn't have to face a life of solitude and inability to pass on his name; the concept of face that contributed to her poor treatment in the home; and the concept of face was what pitted everyone against her and allowed for such cruelties to happen. No one wanted her to embarrass the family, so they imposed inhumane actions on her. This movie just illuminates how debilitating this social construct can be.

The critiques of this movie reminds me of something that happened when my politics professor was here. He was talking to a tour guide about the UPS course in "nationalism" and used some Chinese word for it - but apparently it was a word that people understood but no one ever heard. The tour guide corrected him and said that in China, they only use the word "patriotism." Maybe this was lost in translation somewhere, and my analysis of this may not be totally right...but I think that describing China as patriotic vs. nationalistic is right on target. I often wonder how China can boast of its country's government and its whole communal society thing when what I see is not what is preached. The difference between patriotism and nationalism is that patriotism is the notion of upholding and priding your state, government, and the country as a construct. Nationalism, however, is the notion of priding your state and its people. I've always felt that there was something so segmented and isolating about Chinese nationalism - but I think the answer is that what exists in China is not nationalism at all, but blind patriotism.

And I wouldn't say all communist states are this way. When I was in Vietnam, what I felt was much more cohesive than pure patriotism. I really think there was nationalism - there was so much more propaganda/developing policies for empowering the people instead of just the state. And I think that the policies Vietnam has been creating to reconcile the VN war diaspora groups (many of whom formerly reconciled with the French and were anti-communist), is a strong testament to that nationalism. Allowing people of Vietnamese descent to attain visas more easily and recruiting the population to come back to the country shows how much Vietnam prides its people, not only as those who share one country or one blood, but for those who share a common history. And that, is what I feel nationalism is.

I'm back...sorta

2008-12-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

It's been a while.

I decided about a month ago that if I couldn't write anything nice about China, then I shouldn't write at all (at least publicly). So surprise surprise, it's been about a month since I've written anything on here.

That, and I've also been really busy. I gave my finals for my third-year students about a month ago, and have been dillydallying on grading and turning in their final scores. That's because the study abroad group from UPS is here and I've been running around doing stuff with them and taking classes WHILE teaching. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but getting off schedule while teaching can get out of control. Even though it doesn't usually take me that long to plan, going without a plan at all doesn't work. Not if you want to save face, heh.

Having UPS people here has really made me miss college, and a lot of times it makes me miss just being in an academic atmosphere (one where I'm not constantly reducing my speech level and clapping to get the attention of 20-something year old girls). Academia's like my drug - I can get so wrapped up in some ideas that I forget about anything else that's bothering me. It has the power to invoke those powerful questoins and provides the occasional resolution - it makes life more understandable. I'm taking a course with my old politics professor about nationalism and imperialism in China. It really puts into perspective what this country has gone through and how much political malaise and destruction can change entire overarching sentiments in a country. It's still a mystery to me what the Chinese people have actually gone through though, and what effects have gone on that has psychologically affected a population so strongly. I've been to my fair share of countries that have undergone revolution and I don't sense the same attitudes in China that I do in the other countries. The revolution in those countries (ie SA and Vietnam) may have caused a lot of destruction, but was never carried out in vain in the sense that the people in those countries now seem much more free and have a deeper understanding of the world as they've learned through interactions with other countries and from experiencing what it is really like to be marginalized and to suffer. I sense more insularity, self-hate, distrust, greed, and blind collectivism here than in any other country I've been to - to the point where I find it personally frustrating to deal with theses attitudes every day.

With my classes, I can sort this stuff out a little better and can pinpoint at the slightest level why this country is where it is, and why many people here think as they do. It makes living here easier and dealing with these attitudes that I constantly reject every day a little more tolerable because I'm able to intellectualize it and navigate a possible answer to why this or that might be. So sure I can tie many trends here back to some sort of dysfunction in the past, but does it excuse the perpetuation of these attitudes and trends? How long can we justify the way things are just because of history?

For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm critical and not just complaining. And that's why I remembered it's so important to keep learning because it's not just good to have knowledge, but many times it provides just enough comfort to a difficult/unfathomable situation by creating understanding. I hope I can still find outlets like this when everyone leaves at the end of this week....If not then it's only a couple weeks til finals, 3 weeks til I get out of Fuzhou and go to the countryside, 4 weeks til beaches in the Philippines, and about 5 weeks til I'm back in America for a lil' while. Weeee. I love vacations.

Chinese-ification: Please Tell Me Why

2008-11-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

So there's this song here that I've been hearing lately. I knew that I recognized it, but I couldn't put my finger on where I had heard it before. I looked it up and it's a song by Wilber Pan called "Bu De Bu Ai" which translates to Have to Love or Gotta Love, I guess. I thought remembered there being more English to it, but I wasn't sure. Something about song I was hearing in China didn't seem quite right.

I let it go thinking I was just going crazy and probably just heard it during drunken KTV or something.

Then I figured the song I heard before is actually by a Korean band named Freestyle, called "Please Tell Me Why." I don't know how I knew about it in America, but I had heard it a while ago there. The two are exactly the same except the Chinese one is in Chinese!

Oh, China. Apparently this is a "remake" of the song - except the word remake here tends to mean blatant violation of copyright laws. I don't think I could find anything authentic here if I tried - say I wanted to buy something Disney or Sanrio. Or maybe a DVD. Nope. They're all copied and Chinese-ified. And by this I mean something is just a little off that tends to make the characters or product look bizarre and creepy. For instance, I bought a Totoro plush doll here and something about the measurements are just off enough so that its face looks really creepy. Not like the cute Japanese child-stealing monster that I know. Same with Hello Kitty. The Chinese always copy Japanese things, but instead of cute...it just looks weird.

I went out to a club last week with some Americans to make a toast for Obama's victory, and the club was really strange, too. It was jungle themed, but again, something went wrong in the costumes and decor that just made it creepy. It was sort of child-like, but not really, because it was a club. All the bartenders were in cartoony cavemen outfits and there were plush monkey dolls hanging from the ceiling. Then there were girls dressed in Indian saris dancing to Bob Marley.

Now that I've started writing about this, I realize I could just go on for days about this. Like how pizza here has corn and broccoli on it and the pasta has eggs and chili sauce.

I don't really know what to say about this, other than Chinese-ification needs to stop. Other than the more serious copyright violation thing and being insulting to the original products, it's downright creepy. Stop it. This is why I boycott anything that is marketed to the youth population here, opting for a more...um, mature look now. I'd rather dress like a little old Chinese lady than wear a Chinese-ified Mickey Mouse sweater lined with rhinestones.

= CREEPY

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T22:38:00.000-08:00

What a happy day! BARACK OBAMA! I wish I were there now.

I'm still in shock. To be honest, I never thought this would happen. I remember when it was Clinton vs. Obama, I supported Hilary because I thought Obama would never have a chance. But I am SO glad I was proven wrong. I silently celebrated in my room today with my American buddy Stephanie over a tea cup of wine and some victory tears. We smiled at each other as Obama mentioned us in his victory speech - those Americans in the forgotten corners of the world huddled around radios (erm, or maybe NPR streams on a MacBook...but still...).

One of the other teachers here told me a while ago: Rosa Parks sat so that Martin Luther King, Jr. could march. And Martin Luther King Jr. marched so Barack Obama could run.

And now him and his family can walk into that White House. What a sight that will be.

Congratulations to our president-elect, Senator Barack Obama. I wish them success, support from the American people, and I also wish that the Obama family remains safe from any harm that may come their way. I can't bear to imagine the possible physical danger that this family is in now as the first Black family in the white house. I hope no one does anything crazy.

Alright, America. I'm excited to see what you have to offer when I come back in January!

Nov. 4

2008-11-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

....my brain hurts today and this is not the most eloquent blog entry, but i'm too lazy to fix it...

I hope my ballot made it to America.

It's the end of Nov. 4 here, but just beginning over there. I finally called it quits after eight minutes of streaming Fox News (the only channel I could get to work on my internet). I think I have a certain cap on laudatory Sarah Palin statements. The cap is a very low number and Fox News already reached it. You know what else is disturbing?? I found out a while ago that she was baptized in RICHLAND at Christ the King Church. Ughhhh. Hits too close to home, literally. *shudders*

But no need to worry, I have every other medium of media - blogs, online newspapers, Facebook. It's just everywhere. =There's an absurd amount of activity on Facebook this year for the election. As annoying as it is, I'm happy to see that most of what I've seen is leaning towards Obama.

Even though I care about this election, it's times like this when I realize I'm not a political person. In some ways I am very political, but only because I am an advocate of so many social issues (which are bound to politics). I'm realizing that I abhor the politics itself. I go from excited to cynical really quickly during the election period because I often wonder when did it become my responsibility as an American to dig beyond all the slander and campaigning to find out what kind of change these candidates are REALLY offering? I'm worried about the issues here, not who voted what during what time or what bullshit chain letters some Christian right group is sending out about the spectre of communism.

But it still makes me queasy thinking of McCain and Palin in power. And I just don't like McCain's war-hero persona - it especially irks me as a Vietnamese-American. But actually, McCain has a group of steadfast Republican Vietnamese-American voters backing him. They're all of the older generation, the ones who fled Vietnam and have been faithful Reagan and Bush as the presidents provided them amnesty at the same time they applauded the presidents as shut the door on the country of Vietnam. Much of the Viet population in America are South Vietnamese who don't want to do anything with communist Vietnam. Of course, I didn't live through that time and have no right to criticize their bitterness about the war, but I think that much of their loyalty to the Republican party is outdated. It was a member of the Republican party that left the Vietnamese victims of Hurricane Katrina to fend for themselves. It was a member of the Republican party that compromised the humanness of all Asians when he called his captors "Gooks." (McCain made the statement a few years ago in an interview about his North Vietnamese captors - he said that he "hates the gooks" and in his defense, he said that "gook" is one of the least damaging things he could have called them considering all the evil things they've done.) Even though John McCain has the right to be angry at his captors during the war, to make a racist blow at them reduces the value not only the captors but the entire ethnic group. Call them beasts or whatever, but don't associate that type of action with being Asian.

And for the most part, I get the feeling that all the McCain policies to help Vietnamese-American are coming out of guilt rather than responsibility, geared towards helping those left helpless and weak after the war, like policies to reunite Vietnamese people in VN with their family members in America (which is good, but sounds like something he just thought was unfinished business to me). But the Vietnamese in America - we're no longer just a helicopter of Agent Orange babies, we're a burgeoning ethnic enclave in America that represents the country in all different aspects. We're immigrants, we're first-generation Americans, we're college students and graduates, we're CEOs, we're civic leaders. We don't need any more white guilt in America - it's time to move beyond that. But what we do need in America is responsibility in socially and economically mobilizing the Asian-American community, and despite all of his efforts to "help Vietnamese people," I don't know if he's actually doing much for this population that is here now. It's been nearly twenty years since the third wave of Vietnamese refugees. We need empowerment from leaders who care to look at us as equals, not pity policies or aid. After knowing John McCain had once uttered "Gooks" out of his mouth with such confidence, I can never imagine him looking at Asians as equals.

I'm thinking about this poem by Bao Phi, a Vietnamese-American poet from Minneapolis, Minnesota - it's quite intense, but captures a lot of the feelings that are elicited by John McCain's "gook" statement.

DEAR SENATOR McCAIN
By Bao Phi

Dear Senator McCain

I write this letter on jungle leaves
and the skin of a white man.

I am a gook, a jungle spook,
a steamed apparition
of piss and foot rot
building torture devices from old rotary phones
and the rusted hulks of American cars

I am that gook, when you turn on the light
I scramble away and if you see me
you know there's ten more
where I came from
catching tracer bullets like fireflies
in my teeth
my language like malaria
sweating itself into your brain

I am a gook, riding on top of water buffaloes,
waving welfare checks like a white flag of surrender
but shot in the back by your finest when they thought
I was standing in a martial arts stance

I am a gook, miscellaneous bomb bait,
agent orange evolved primate
creeping thru cashmoney colored jungles
and masturbating neon onto Wall Street
slit eyes fixed on white women
fingers like 10 long drips of grease

I am that villain in a white lab coat
trading bomb secrets for red cash
stashing code in surgery folded eyelids

I am gook, no speak no Engleesh
too much headache, tell me go back to my country,
motherfuck you eh?

I am indeed a gook, polished gold yellow
at Yale, driving my Ferrari horse-powered dick
deep into your spread-legged streets
while Miss America screams out an orgasmic "There goes the neighborhood!"

I am gook
that gook waiting in that nightmare jungle
that gook in front of you with 17 items in the 10 items or less lane at the supermarket
that gook born with a grenade in his head
that gook that got a better grade in your shop class
that gook uppity enuf to stand with his brothers and sisters and demand an apology
that gook who patted you on the back and said "That's okay--I hate gooks too."

I am that gook who stole your bomb secrets,
that gook that held you hostage,

that gook whose culture your daughter robbed for her tattoos, trinkets and t-shirts
that gook whose language your son attempts to speak so he can crack some nookie
from the fortune cookie

I am the gook who blazed you
the gook who saved you

I am gook, chink, slope, slanteye, victor, charlie, chan, suzie wong, dickless rice picker, model minority, binder of feet, your favorite sushi waitress, piss colored devil, nip, jap, snow falling on cedars, miss saigon, memoir of a geisha, joy luck club, ally mcbeal,

I am gook,
I ate your motherfuckin cat

I am that gook who will hang himself on Nike shoelaces
so your sons and daughters can play pickup or NCdoubleA final four,
I am that 14 cents an hour gook whose ghosts paint those Gap commercials white,
I am that gook that took over your pool hall and your roller skating rink,
I am this gook, I am that gook, I am your gook, I am my gook
I am that gook, popping out of a motherfuckin bowl of rice
to ask:
senator
what's the difference
between an Asian
and a gook
to you?

I just can't get you out of my head.

2008-10-30T22:18:00.001-07:00

I'm a big fat hypocrite.

I've been writing a long blog entry on problems of commodification of culture in China, critiquing consumerist culture, etc. But I haven't been able to finish it because I've been thinking about a couple things (Have I been in China too long already?!):

I want to buy an E-bike:

Either the fancy one on top or one with a little motor and pedals, so I can ride it like a bicycle sometimes to save battery. These are pretty sweet...I wish we had them in America. I don't know how efficient or expensive they are, but people seem to be able to afford the electricity bill for them, so they can't be that pricey to maintain. We'll probably need these once we get deeper in the recession. But they really are nice, and I'm not just saying that because I'm obsessed with them right now. They're quiet and easy to charge (it comes with a charger and you just plug it into a wall apparently). The expensive ones are around $400 and the smaller ones are about half that price, so they're somewhat affordable. But really, who can put a price tag on infinite fun? Weeee.

Oh, and I'm thinking of becoming a blonde.

No worries, I'm not a blonde yet. It's a wig. But I'm going to trick my students into thinking I am today (for Halloween). Muahaha.

+ Rockin the Kanye shades

Debates

2008-10-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

I finally did it! I couldn't get my girls to stop speaking English!

I've been holding debates in class this week, and they've been successful in every single class. I was worried at first - I figured it might be hit or miss, but I've been really impressed with the outcome. For the first time, they were speaking naturally, clearly, and without sounding like robots. The only problem was that some of the girls were sidelined due to the more dominant speakers, but for the most part, I don't think I could have done as well as many of them in a debate. The girls debated on two topics, both relating to the idiom I taught them the week before - the "glass ceiling". I suppose it pays off to finally get them talking about something they care about. And I'm so glad they care.

These are fairly difficult topics, but as I was recording their points on the board, I quickly ran out of space! So many girls spoke out, even girls that I had never heard speak in the class before. It was nice to hear their ideas, because sometimes I forget that these girls are smart, young women, since most of our conversation revolves around how to take a telephone call or how to set up a client meeting. Some of the debates got a little heated, it seriously escalated to the "YO MAMA...." stage. Some of the points went something like "Well, I know your momma stays at home to take care of her children. What's wrong with what your momma does? You don't love your momma? Why don't you love your momma."

I had to put my foot down somewhere, so official debate rules in my class are expanded to: No talking about each others' mommas.

Happy birthday to my two favorite women: Guanyin and HN!

2008-10-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

I celebrated two wonderful birthdays last weekend, that of Guanyin, the female Buddhist Goddess of Mercy and Compassion, as well as the 100th anniversary of HN. There's far too much to say about both, so I'm posting some pictures along with my post.

For Guanyin's birthday (One of her birthdays, at least. She has three.), some of the teachers here and I went to a monastery outside of one of the shopping districts here in Fuzhou. It was great to finally go to a temple that wasn't set up soley for tourists, which I've had my fair share of as I've traveled around in Asia. Guanyin is the goddess that my parents worship and is the Boddhavista that wear around around my neck, so it meant a lot to me to attend the ceremony last Friday. I think I will try to attend temple on a regular basis while I have the chance here in China. As crowded and chaotic as the temple was that day, I felt really at peace. That probably sounds really trite, but I feel like the materialism and economic growth of China has really been taking a toll on my psyche lately. It really takes a lot of energy to be immersed in a society based around consumption, making money to consume, haggling, etc. - all of this framed by a backdrop of workers slaving away to bust down buildings using manual labor, people squatting in shack-like buildings, and beggars. I've never been one who has been closely tied to faith, not in formal institutions at least, but lately I've been wondering how so many Chinese can get along without faith. Maybe I'm not desensitized to these sights yet, but I often feel that I have to look to my faith to deal with all that I see here - the high levels of disparity, the attitudes I experience from others, and not to forget the changing of my own attitude.

Anyways, my point is that it was very refreshing to go to the temple and see people celebrate a goddess who is revered for her kindness and compassion. She takes on pain to alleviate the hurt others experience, and in some manifestations she can be seen with a thousand hands - her hands never resting until she can help all those in need. Having her around my neck has gotten me through a lot of self-questioning in South Africa, Vietnam, and in China (WHY do I always go to these places?). Of course, I don't have 1,000 hands, but I hope that I can at least learn from my experiences and in turn, help in any way I can.

The next day, I went to HN's 100th anniversary! We celebrated it at the new campus out in Univesrity City, about 40 mins away from the campus we're at right now. It's a really nice campus, although not at all finished. It's still a construction zone, basically. I was completely in awe at the stark contrast between the new campus and the old one that I was just beaming when I saw the new one, even if I might never teach or live there. I doubt it will be done by this year, or even next. It's quite different from the old campus as it's out in the suburbs, surrounded by mountains instead of the city. It's enjoyable, but in a different way than the old campus. I took lots of pictures, as you can see. What's really bizarre is that it kind of reminds me of UPS. The new buildings kind of look like Wyatt and Trimble. What is even more bizarre is that there is a Trimble Hall at the new campus. A Trimble Hall - all the way in China! And if I lived in the foreign teacher's dorm, it would be right outside my window. It's like freshman year all over again - peering out into Trimble Hall from TP! Crazy.

Although I think the new campus is beautiful, it made me realize how much I love the campus I'm at now. It's on this old Hill, Yan Tai Shan, that just has the richest history ever. The old old HN (the first building the school was at) is just down the hill. There's everything from the old American embassy to a German bank nearby (Fuzhou used to be a huge trade hub). The houses, when you look up, are old European buildings from when the British lived here. There are old ladies playing Mah-Jong everywhere and just as many old men doing Tai Chi in the park. It's the China I've come to know and love (I use the word love quite loosely here - it depends on my mood, usually). I like good ol' Yan Tai Shan so much more because it's got so much more character - I can live in new, grey buildings anywhere in the world, but only here in China can I take two steps outside my dorm to see people doing choreographed dancing to techno music in the park or buy bubble tea from an old, dilapidated colonial British building. I also realize that I've never taken pictures of this place - just as I don't have many pictures of Richland or Tacoma. It's home (wow, did I really just call this place home?), so I've taken it for granted. I'll really have to take some shots sometime soon - it might be an eyesore to some, but I think it still beats the new HN.

On Beauty

2008-10-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

“You look fine.”

“Right. I look fine. Except I don’t,” said Zora, tugging sadly at her man’s nightshirt. This was why Kiki had dreaded having girls: she knew she wouldn’t be able to protect them from self-disgust. To that end she had tried banning television in the early years, and never had a lipstick or a woman’s magazine crossed the threshold of the Belsey home to Kiki’s knowledge, but these and other precautionary measures had made no difference. It was in the air, or so it seemed to Kiki, this hatred of women and their bodies – it seeped in with every draught in the house; people brought it home on their shoes, they breathed it in off their newspapers.

That paragraph was from Zadie Smith’s On Beauty, focusing on a notion of beauty that I haven’t see put more eloquently. Give it to Zadie Smith to give the most complex feelings the perfect words.

It's hard not to notice the amount of attention physical beauty gets here in China, or maybe Asia in general. I’ve had to remember to look for the character 白 (bai), which is white, on beauty products and lotions to make sure that there is no skin lightening cream in them. Girls carry umbrellas to protect them from the sun and to prevent them from becoming darker. I’ve been classifying this issue as nothing less than an obsession here – and it doesn’t take a perceptive person to notice this. There are fair skinned and frail women everywhere – from billboards to ice creams to orange juice. It’s rampant, epidemic, blatant.

Only recently has this type of mentality been addressed in America and other Western countries. There are counter-narratives popping up nowadays, such as Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign (which is international), as well as other dialogue that centers around body image and ethnically diverse notions of beauty. Even then, I feel like this discourse only exists in a narrow fields of academia that are only accessible to those who seek it out or belong on liberal arts campuses.

Maybe I should have noticed these issues more in America, and I feel as if I often did, but nowhere near to the point as I do now. And the truth is that in America, it was easily avoided because I never heard those passing comments of disappointment about self image from my students, I never saw models on every article that could be purchased – ultimately it was never in my face.

But just as many things that are not so blatant in the United States, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there. Girls here may openly gripe about their bodies, but what about the world of eating disorders and cutting that exists in America? I don’t know if those things don’t exist in China, but I have a feeling America's manifestations of self-image complexes are much more insidious.

I don’t know how to deal with these notions here. I feel like it’s my responsibility to counter what my girls are saying, but how do I do that? And I’m not really one who goes around saying I think that everyone is beautiful and that they should love themselves for who they are. Call me shallow, but I’d be lying if I said I did. I mean, everyone should love themselves for who they are…but let’s be honest, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I don’t think everyone is physically attractive. But I do think it is a problem when people associate beauty with normalized standards and especially when these standards compromise a person or entire racial groups due to ethnocentric notions of beauty.

But I do know that I don’t wish to be whiter, I don’t wish to be tall, and I don’t wish to look like Paris Hilton. I suppose all I can do is show confidence in the things that I do pride about myself. Cindy wrote in one of her blog entries that she wears her nose ring (which is a septum piercing) in China, despite all the weird looks and whispers. She does it because even though it bothers her, it’s not her that needs to be changed, but society’s myopic attitude towards beauty and self-expression. Which I think is completely noble of someone to put themselves out there for such a belief. Otherwise, there can be no change.

Now, if I could just work up the courage to wear my hoop nose ring to class…

Ameeerrica

2008-10-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

I just marked my ballot.

+1 for Barack Obama/Joe Biden from China! This almost didn't happen because the Benton County Auditor decided to put down "Fazhou" as my city. Nice one...especially after all those stories about overseas ballots being lost in the mail.

I've been struck by a wave of nationalism lately, and I don't know if it's the election or if I am gravitating towards America now that I have to assert my identity more here in China. But I know that we are coming closer to an America that I feel like I am more comfortable identifying with.

I'm proud to be American.

Even if Barack Obama doesn't make it as president, what a monumental change we've had since the last presidential election - all the WASP men of American politics had to take a step down this year. I am happy to see a presidential candidate who represents the ethnic diversity of America. Obama's especially interesting because his family is much more dynamic than the typical American family - the beginning with the much promoted white mother from Kansas and black father from Kenya union. Obama's stepfather was Indonesian. His sister is half Indonesian and married a Chinese-Canadian living in Hawaii. Maya Soetoro-Ng is a pretty big voice in the Asian-American campaign for Obama. It may be strategic, but it's still a surprise to me that this strategy is even possible. A black presidential candidate having his Asian sister campaign for him!

I feel a little more powerful in my conviction in identifying myself as an American when the Chinese always tell me that I am not American because my skin is not white or my hair is not blonde. "America has many people," I respond in my broken Chinese. "People from Asia, people from Africa, people from South America." If the person can speak English, I often ask them if they follow the election, and if they know about Barack Obama. Yes, OH-BAH-MAH.

In my nationalistic mentality, I have also come to realize how important the national entity is and how strong it needs to be if it is to efficiently interact with other countries in a mutually beneficial way. I say this because it's a question I always think about as I am interested in the development field. If I go anywhere for development work, I have made a vow as an American only to help mobilize and enable people of these third-world countries to build their own nations. To create business, innovation, transparency, whatever. It's important not to develop dependency on other countries. One of my main worries in the globalization age is developing a neo-colonial states -- colonialism masked in free trade and foreign entrepreneurship, which will only perpetuate parasitic bonds and unending cycles of dependency.

Dependency is a problem for the developing world, but sometimes I think maybe I should be worried about America's dependencies. I was reading an op-ed by Thomas Friedman who was railing on Palin for saying paying taxes is "unpatriotic." Friedman's response - what's more patriotic, then? Borrowing from foreign countries to fund our business? Going into more debt? America's dependency is already so deep - everything from oil to cheap goods strongly binds the U.S. with the Middle East and China...I understand other countries may have a comparative advantage in things, but when it comes to funding out own public services, why should we expect anyone to pay for it but ourselves? Friedman quoted, Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes: “I like paying taxes. With them I buy civilization.” As long as they taxes aren't going into the wrong hands, the taxes often purchase much more than just roads or military equipment. They can purchase independence and self-sufficiency. As Friedman ended his article:

Patriotic is offering a plan to build our economy — not by tax cuts or punching more holes in the ground, but by empowering more Americans to work in productive and innovative jobs. If Palin has that kind of a plan, I haven’t heard it.

Qingdao and Beijing!

2008-10-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

I'm too lazy to write about National Holiday, so I'll just put a slide show in. It was really great, but incredibly crowded and also landed me in the hospital. I'm completely fine now...but I got sick my last day in Beijing after spending a bit too much time on the infamous "snack street," so I ended up with a bad case of food poisoning. I'd say more about this, but I don't really want to think about it right now. And I really don't want to think about my experience at a sketchy Chinese hospital, either. Let's just say I really appreciate the cleanliness of health facilities in America. Anyways, happy memories...here are some pics!

One more day....

2008-09-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

...til National Holiday!!

I'm getting ready for my seventh consecutive day of work tomorrow (a Sunday)...but it's all OK because National Holiday starts on Monday. I'm going to Qingdao and Beijing with Cindy and Allen!!

National Holiday is basically a ploy to gain revenue through tourism and general consumption during the week. According to The China Daily:

China introduced the golden week system in 1999 to promote the idea of going out and help stimulate domestic consumption. Yet this year, the May Day golden week was cancelled and three more traditional holidays, including the upcoming Mid-Autumn Festival, have become public holidays. The Chinese tourism sector has raked in high tourism revenues during golden weeks over the past years. Last year, travelers reached 146 million during the weeklong National Day Holiday and tourism revenue 64.2 billion yuan ($9.38 billion). But traffic congestion, poor services and price hikes for tourist attractions during that period were always complained about by consumers.

Even with terribly inflated prices and masses of people, I'm still eating it all up. As are the Chinese people. The thought of cancelling National Holiday caused quite an uproar:

The cancellation of the National Day golden week was opposed by most netizens, according to an online survey carried out by sina.com, one of the country's largest online communities.
Some 78.31 percent of the 49,422 respondents thought cancellation of the National Day golden week will leave them less time for travelling or family reunions, as the paid vacations system is hard to implement.

Qingdao may sound familiar to you...it was formerly spelled Tsingtao. Yes, the beer. And yes, we are going to Beerfest.

It's also known for its beaches...

Look at how nice and quaint that looks. If you look carefully beyond the sea of people, you can actually see the real sea. Oh, China.

Then off to BEIJING! Maybe I'm just on China overload right now, but for some reason I'm mostly looking forward to the Outback Steakhouse. Great Wall of China? What? Tianamen Square? Psh... I'm gonna get me some cheeeeese fries.

Losing Face

2008-09-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

One of my students said the only way to learn a new language is to lose face.

I'm coming to realize how true that statement really is.

Within my time here, I really no clue what I must have said to people as I'm trying out my Chinese. I have a lot of Chinese floating around in my head from Chinese class a few years ago, but I don't really remember how to use them or what they mean. I just realized today that I've been saying that my parents are Vietnamese, but I was shirt in America. Maybe thaaat's why people are so confused about what I'm saying...haha. Chenshan is shirt, and Chusheng is to be born. I've been mixing those up the whole time. Although I stand by my stance that people here really don't seem to be open to the idea of Asian-Americans...I guess my poor Chinese doesn't help.

The word "shirt" in Chinese generally gives me problems. I was at a store asking for a couple's t-shirt that said "this is my boyfriend" on it, and was pointing to the same one that said "this is my girlfriend." I meant to ask the sales lady if she had the shirt that said "this is my boyfriend," but I ended up demanding her to tell me if she had a boyfriend. This would explain her unresponsiveness and look of sheer terror as I questioned her. She finally replied "meiyou," or don't have. I accepted that and finally left her alone. I realize now that I must have been terrorizing her.

Losing face is a small price for me to develop my speaking skills, though. I'm trying to learn through immersion rather than any type of structured learning (since I've had a year's background on the structure of the language), and it's been quite an interesting challenge. Actual speaking definitely sticks with you more.

I've been having trouble getting my girls to speak when I ask them impromptu questions, so I just let them know how ridiculous my Chinese is - there's no way their English could be worse.

Stage 2 of Culture Shock

2008-09-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

It has finally come:
Stage 2 - Withdrawal

The individual now has some more face to face experience of the culture and starts to find things different, strange and frustrating.

They:
. Find the behaviour of the people unusual and unpredictable
. Begin to dislike the culture and react negatively to the behaviour
. Feel anxious
. Start to withdraw
. Begin to criticize, mock or show animosity to the people

There's this alley on the way to the internet cafe that has all these cartoon signs with wisdom/Confucian quotes. The quotes are all supposed to be life lessons of some sort, telling people things like live a modest lifestyle, don't be selfish, be kind to others, respect elders, etc. By the time I get out of the alley, all I see are motorbikes cutting pedestrians off on the street, clothing stores everywhere, and girls all put together with their dresses and high heels.

China's full of contradictions. I always hear about the young population of China being "confused" by the traditionalist foundations that are the basis of Chinese culture, but at the same time dealing with the burgeoning capitalist economy, globalization, and Western influences. I can see it. The country preaches the words of Confucius and is predominately Buddhist, but sometimes I feel as if all I ever hear about or see are money, beauty, shopping, getting ahead, small-mindedness, etc.

I'm starting to get fed up with the way people treat me when I try to tell them I'm American. I understand why it happens, but I'm just tired now. According to them, I'm not American because I am not white. It happens a lot more here in Fuzhou, probably due to the fact that there aren't many foreigners here. People literally argue with me every time I tell them I'm American. No, you're not from Meiguo. Meiguoren have white skin and are tall. I tell them that I'm Vietnamese-American, but American because I was born in America. Then they say, OK. I knew you're weren't American - you don't LOOK American. What does an American even look like?? White?? It's frustrating that people more often than not are not willing to accept an "unconventional" type of American. I understand where these people are coming from, especially living in the fairly insular city of Fuzhou, but at the end of the day I'm still just as frustrated as always.

Some days, I just don't want to deal with explaining anything, and in which case I just let people go with their default assumption that I'm a mentally disabled Chinese person. Why else would an Asian person speak in fragmented Chinese sentences, basic words, and stutter all at the same time?

It's interesting, because in America I would identify myself as Asian-American, which is a term I use because I think I owe a lot of my cultural upbringing to Asia and simply being an American of color has bestowed on me a hybrid American identity in itself. But whenever I'm in Asia, I feel so American. I don't feel like I fit in any better here, even though I am familiar with all these traditions, foods, religion, etc. I'm just this misleading shell of a person that looks like everyone else, but I can't even perform basic tasks like communicate through speech. And so I realize that the term Asian-American is not really someone who simply shares an identity with both regions of the world, but it's a term that also represents something completely different. An entirely different set of complications, an entirely different set of issues, and an entirely different identity than simply being partly Asian or partly American in race and culture.

But I'm glad I'm getting the opportunity to feel this way. As uncomfortable and frustrating as it is, I'm learning. That's how I try to think of a lot of situations that I find myself in while I'm here. Stage 2 of culture shock might not be the most fun one, but I think it's definitely the biggest stage for learning, growth and transformation, which is what traveling is all about, right?

Happy Belated Mid-Autumn Festival

2008-09-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to you. But please, no more moon cakes!! I'm literally drowning in them! And nothing like a beef moon cake to scar you for life.

By the way, I'm a creeper

2008-09-13T00:06:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS

I'm in a cafe right now and there's some serious actions of intimacy going on in the booth behind me. I am documenting this because I have never seen this in China before. Any type of intimacy at all. There are so many people in China and I've always wondered how. I guess in the back of cafes is the answer.

You can't really see what is going on, but maybe you can still figure it out from these pictures.

Teacher's Day

2008-09-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

Sept. 10, 2008 was Teacher's Day here in China. It's actually a legitimate holiday here in China that is celebrated and everything. I got some chocolates and a card from my students :) I think this is in light of the Paralympics that are being held in Beijing, but President Hu Jintao visited some schools for disabled children for Teacher's Day.

Chinese President Hu Jintao visited a special education school and a rural middle school in the central Henan Province to mark the country's 24th Teachers' Day, which falls on Wednesday.

At the Zhengzhou Deaf-Mutes School in the provincial capital, Hu, also general secretary of the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Committee, commended the teachers for bringing sunshine and hope to the handicapped children with their love and hard work.

He said the cause of special education deserved respect from the whole society, urging the 110-strong faculty members to give more care and even better education to the children for their healthy growth.

I've been cynical and thinking that all this publicity and honor for disabled people is generally for show here in China right now. But I've also been thinking that even if that is the case, well, at least disabled people are getting more attention and publicity. It might be for the wrong reasons...but I don't know what is worse, getting this kind of attention, or not getting any at all. It's kind of how I feel about diversity. No one likes to be a spectacle or to receive a job or scholarship for novelty reasons, but maybe that's better than getting nothing at all. With these issues, I feel like if you're a marginalized group in some way, there's no balance in the way you're viewed in society. You're either treated as novelty or subpar, void of opportunities. At least if you're treated as a novelty, you can receive some of the same opportunities that everyone else has, and have the opportunity to transcend given social statuses. Immersion is the only way to prevent "othering," and being given opportunities and publicity can possibly be a segue to unity. Of all places to start recognizing people of disabilities, I think it's great that China has chosen education (at least for this Teacher's Day), which I believe is the ultimate vehicle for mobility, whether it is social or economic.

Well, no president visits here, but we did have a picture day! (Haven't had one of those in over ten years.) The pics were taken out at my campus for Business English.

Xiao Mao, John McCain, RIP

2008-09-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama on top, John McCain below

Today marks the anniversary of Chairman Mao Zedong's death, who died on Sept. 9, 1976.

My turtle, John McCain, also died today. What's ironic is that John McCain was only recently given his new name (for probably about two days now) in light of the U.S. election, and was previously named Xiao Mao...in honor of Chairman Mao, or a little kitty, depending on what tone you use. Strange that he would have the same death as the real Chairman Mao. But Xiao Mao was re-named John McCain on Sept. 7, 2008. He lived in quarrel with his aquarium-mate Barack Obama, who is currently a suspect in John McCain's death. In the days before John McCain's passing, Barack Obama was seen jumping on John McCain, pushing him around, and then eating his food. But this topic can be touched on at another time. Today is a day to honor John McCain, the turtle formerly known as Xiao Mao.

He was my first pet here in China, becoming my best friend here after I had spent my two lonely first days in Fuzhou. But I eventually became more busy as I settled into life here in Fuzhou, and John McCain, then known as Xiao Mao, started to develop early signs of depression. He started to eat less and would sleep all day and night. His eyes would be all puffy whenever I saw him, showing me that whenever he wasn't sleeping, he was fighting a battle with his tears.

I decided that Xiao Mao needed a friend, so I bought a new turtle. A younger one, and a more cunning and lively one as well. I was suggested that I should re-name Xiao Mao and make the pair John McCain and Barack Obama. So the older Xiao Mao became John McCain and the new one became Barack Obama. But their time spent together was short, and in the competition of life, or survival of the fittest, Barack Obama proved victorious. But we will always remember John McCain. At least I will. He was a great turtle. In his prime, I will always remember how he used to run around on my mat and get his toenail stuck in the straw. It was the cutest.

Paralympics

2008-09-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it was aired in the United States, but the opening ceremony for the Paralympics was held on Saturday in Beijing. It was a really beautiful ceremony and incredibly unique, I thought. Here's a clip of it, with annoying CCTV announcer commentary included:

I found the widespread interest in the Paralympics interesting, mostly because of the dismissive attitude I've noticed here towards people with disabilities. This was especially clear to me after I visited the orphanage here, which seemed to only have children with disabilities. I ran into a blog entry on the Time China Blog that couldn't have explained my thoughts any better...a cynical note on the inspiring Paralympics that are going on right now.

Amid the Paralympics, A Reality Check
by Austin Ramzy

Just as the Paralympics fill Beijing with a growing appreciation for the rights and talents of the disabled, the China Daily announced rather depressingly that just one of the orphans from the Sichuan earthquake has been adopted. "One reason for the slow response is that many of the orphans are handicapped," the newspaper reported. Most of the 532 children who lost their parents in the quake were taken in by other family members. Adoption of the remaining 88 is limited to Chinese couples over age 30.

The low response seems to be an indicator of China's split personality on issues of disability. For every sign of progress there's a unpleasant reality. There are miles of special sidewalk guides for the blind, but it's common to see them blocked by parked bikes and carts. (Danwei discusses Beijing's steps to keep the paths clear in a post today.) China's first Paralympic gold medalist, visually impaired long jumper Ping Yali, carried the torch in Saturday's inspiring opening ceremony with some help from Lucky, China's Beijing's first guide dog. But Lucky's journey to the Chinese capital has been hampered by the lack of a national law governing guide dogs, Ping wrote on her blog last year.

It's worth noting that the earthquake adoptions were only opened last month, so the response could improve. The changes that the Olympics were meant to inspire in China have so far seemed to be largely cosmetic. But there's hope in the Paralympics. Perhaps the spirit that was in evidence Saturday night can carry on beyond Beijing's arenas to the orphanages of Sichuan.

Renshi-renhai = Sea of people

2008-09-07T21:55:00.001-07:00

It just dawned on me how ridiculous every bus ride is here in China. Since I travel mostly on the weekends and in the evenings, I always have to make my way onto a crowded bus, and more often than not, I end up with a "seat" standing right next to the driver. The bus is completely packed from front to back, making it impossible to move and making each bus stop more and more dreadful as we move along the street. I've never found it so exhausting to ride a bus until now... When you stand in the front, you also get a chance to see the driver eating, texting, or not paying attention to the road. That always makes me feel really safe.

Although, I think I've found the trick to avoiding these situations. It has happened to me twice already, but I've noticed that when I'm with white people, the Chinese people will get up and offer their seats to the white people. Then I end up benefiting from this when they find out that I am with the white people, and reluctantly offer me a seat as well. I thought it may be because the people I hang out with are kind of older, so maybe that's why they were offered seats. But as I looked around, there were plenty of old Chinese people standing up and being pushed up against the wall.

Of course, this is messed up and we may be exploiting the situation and perpetuating a cycle of idolizing the (obvious) foreigner. But the bus is so out of control, I don't think I'd blame anyone for taking a seat that's offered to them. At least I had a nice view from the front...

New chicks on the...

2008-09-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

New chicks on the...what?

Oh, Chinglish. It was between this shirt and one that said "Calipornia."

Starting School

2008-09-02T03:10:00.000-07:00

School started yesterday...and I'm already exhauuusted.

Again, I have a greater appreciation for all of the teachers I've ever had. Especially the ones in elementary to high school, who have to spend all day at school without breaks. It's surprisingly tiring to stand there the entire day and speak. I've already started to lose my voice from having to speak so loudly. It's not really natural for me to project well, so I have to exert a lot of energy to do so, and to top it off I have to speak over these loud clanky fans in the classroom, construction, traffic, general Chinese loudness, and firecrackers (I think someone near the school died recently? They keep lighting off firecrackers, and I think it's to honor someone's death). I also might be allergic to my classroom. I should really take a picture of it sometime - it's pretty ghetto. You can barely see anything on the chalkboard anymore it's so dirty, and the floors, walls, everything are just sooo old. But I literally think I'm allergic to all the dust in there. My students are great, though, which makes everything a lot better. It's only been the first couple days, so of course they're great and well-behaved. But I can't see them getting too out of control. I'm also a hit in my dept, I hear...I also have some teacher's pets already :)

It's also nice to get out of the monotonous habits of my days before starting school. Now there's more to life than playing ping-pong, cross stitching, and playing with my little turtle. I do miss randomly wandering around China though, with no particular schedule to follow. The thing about China is that every time I step out of my door, I feel like it's some sort of adventure. Even if I'm just going to the grocery store. Everything about the sights, sounds, are so interesting. Now that it's starting to sink in that I'm living here, I wonder when all this will stop being an adventure, and just become daily life? Or can the adventure ever stop in China??

Alright, I'm heading out for a swim...(adventure).

Fuzhou Nights

2008-08-31T01:54:00.000-07:00

I went out to Wuyi Square (downtown Fuzhou) last week and this is what I found:

There were literally hundreds of Chinese people of all ages just doing dance aerobics to various songs. I couldn't resist...so I joined the slow moving one with the swaying arms. It was quite a workout...I actually felt it in my arms afterwards. Apparently they're divided into groups for young people and old people - ones that are fast and slow, basically. I shamelessly joined the old people group.

This sight made the grandness of the opening and closing ceremonies of the Olympics a little more understandable for me. Mass coreographed dances are basically second nature for the Chinese, apparently.

Babies

2008-08-29T01:25:00.000-07:00

I went to a couple orhpanages here in Fuzhou today. One of the other teachers goes to the orphanage once a year and brings hamburgers, jellies, and eggs for the kids. So we bought 80+ McDonald’s hamburgers and boiled a bunch of eggs for the them before we left. The kids were so great and so happy to see us…it was really cute. It was probably the greatest sight I’ve ever seen – a room full of cute Asian babies happily eating McDonalds. Every aspect of that image warmed my heart. It is sad, though, because we went to so-called “small” orphanages, but they were still pretty crowded. We went to a Chinese one and also one that is run by a British group. Quite a disparity – the British one was obviously doing a lot better. Most of the kids at the orphanage, especially the older ones, seemed to all have mental disabilities of some sort. Or they were handicapped in some way. I wonder if there are so many orphans with mental disabilities because of the one-child policy…maybe parents don’t want a child with disabilities if it’s their one chance. Although I thought I heard something about families being able to have more than one child if they have a handicapped child. I also saw some interracial-looking children there, and I heard that they are often the children of prostitutes – the product of sex tourism of some sort. The were so many babies (Laihar, one of the other teachers, had to pull me away and told me to remember our mission there – what? You mean I’m not here just to play with babies???) Hehe.

I’ve often gone against the inhumanity arguments of the one-child policy, as I personally see it as an effective way of containing a population that could easily spiral out of control. I’ve always seen it as a last resort that must be taken, and it’s a last resort that has clearly been effective. It’s not fair, but life isn’t fair. Therefore, we must make decisions that will help the most amount of people and provide us with the most beneficial outcome for the future. But it’s hard to see this simply as a policy matter when you actually see the social ramifications of the one child policy. And the sheer number of orphans out there makes me wonder if this is even an effective population control policy, not even considering the social aspects of it. Just because we don’t see orphans running around China doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Perhaps more exist now than ever. Not to mention how family dynamics are quickly changing…we have all these only children that are being spoiled and being pressured to succeed because they are their parents’ only shot. Plus there are so many fat Chinese kids. This just might be me passing judgement, but it looks like these kids are pretty spoiled.

Eh, I don’t know anymore. China’s far too complicated for me to figure it out. All I know is that all the kids love Maidanglao (McDonalds). Maybe I should share with them some Kendiji (KFC) soon? I wish I could get them a dozen Hot’n’Ready pizzas from Little Caesars or 100 tacos from Jack in the Box :( The gift of American fast food would be priceless.

Fuzhou!

2008-08-25T00:28:00.000-07:00

I got to Fuzhou yesterday, and I can finally breathe now. Literally.

Fuzhou is really beautiful, and although it is polluted, it’s not nearly as bad as Shanghai. I found myself actually breathing better here. Sometimes in Shanghai I felt like I had asthma or something. Also, when I walked around Fuzhou for the first time, I was like, there’s something different about the sun or the lighting here. Hmm…And then I realized it was because I could see the sky and it was blue (!). It was sort of a sad realization, but I’m enjoying the blue skies nonetheless. (I hear they’re rare even here in Fuzhou). I also realized that Fuzhou kind of looks like Cape Town. There are these small mysterious mountains always in the backdrop – today I kept thinking, “Table Mountain? What?”

Quite a few of the foreign teachers are here, so I’ve been able to explore with them for the past couple days. Most of them are returning teachers, so they know their way around pretty well. I’m the youngest one here by far, but it’s still been fun. They’re a fun group and the city’s full of things to explore, so I’m pretty excited. Fuzhou is actually a big city, too. My school is really close to one of the CBDs here (there are many I hear…Fuzhou is kind of spread out), and I rode the bus out to another really nice one today to watch the closing ceremony of the Olympics. It’s bizarre here because I was thinking that Fuzhou looked like a very traditional Chinese city when I got here – something I’d see in old pictures or something. But there are those parts of Fuzhou, and then the really new and modern parts that are even more trendy and hip than Shanghai. It really puts into perspective how new many of these developments are. And it seems like everything is under construction, too.
s
8.25
I also got my teaching schedule – I’m in the Business English department, teaching third-year students Communication in Oral English. I’m only teaching twelve hours a week and am done by 9:40 a.m. on Wed and Thurs, so that’s nice. And I only have a couple hours on Fri.

Anyways, I’m out. I’m exhausted now from walking around and spending three hours to buy a cell phone.

Some of the foreign teachers and me in the alley (Eva, is this the home of the alleyway flasher??)

kinda creepy...

Goodbye

2008-08-21T09:52:00.001-07:00

Goodbye:

Bao zi man
Cindy and Allen
Shanghai University
Subway
Crazy people on the Subway
Yangchang Rd.
CCC people
Crazy high schoolers
Public consumption
Shanghai's neon skyline at night
Americans
Room service
Susan the hotel cat
Splurging
Olympic madness (to this extremity)
24-hour-noodle restaurant
Billboards of Jay Chou

I can't believe it's been three weeks already. There have been way too many goodbyes this year. Each time doesn't particularly get easier for me. I know that a couple months from now, I'll be sitting in my classroom and wishing Dracula were there to call on and missing hearing that Moon only wants foreign women.

Tomorrow is my last day in Shanghai. We have one more day of class and then I'll be TESL certified. I'm also going to a party for all the high schoolers that we've been teaching. Apparently Chinese parties are different than American parties in the sense that it's less about socializing and more about...performing. I guess everyone's expected to perform some kind of talent to amuse people. I wanted to perform this, but I think it might be too late to start now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU3N5c2Kxnw

Since I don't have any talents, I plan on reciting a poem about listening to your parents. (Child not study, break machine shuttle!)

I leave for Fuzhou on Sat. morning and then school starts on Aug. 29, I believe? I have no idea what to expect. I don't even know what classes I'm teaching and what year my students will be. I don't think I'll have internet in my room until school starts, then I get it from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. (yay?) then. I'm not sure if any other teachers will be there by the time I get there, either. So I'll probably be chilling my myself for most of that time. At least I'll have my Lonely Planet...

China's takeover

2008-08-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

I have no doubt that China will take over the world someday, if not because of their economy or political power, then because of the sheer number of people.

I swear, every time I go anywhere here I always think to myself, "WTF, China. SO MANY PEOPLE." I got punched today getting out of the subway as people were literally falling out of it, while others were pushing to get on. Then I had to punch some girls just to get out the mosh pit that was created. As much as I love the subway system and how easy it is to get around, I'm just going to throw it out there that the subways during rush hour might be the most disturbing thing ever.

People watching the Olympics on the street

People's Square subway station at rush hour

I guess I'll only have a few more days of this city life, though. I'm teaching my last class tomorrow at the high school. I'm doing a lesson on the simple future tense, and I'm using China's plans for moon exploration in 2020 as a prompt for discussion and writing. I'm excited to hear what the kids will say, because I feel like all the lessons I teach provide me with some sort of cultural lesson every time. My last unit was on fairy tales, and besides for the discomfort surrounding the romance aspect of fairy tales (and the fact that the class was a disaster because the kids were all on speed or something), I got some interesting responses from the kids. I had them write their own fairy tales after reading a few, and it was really interesting to see what their version of "fairy tales" or stories were. I won't say too much other than that many stories started with:

"Once upon a time, there was a great, great ruler of a great, great country. He ruled the great people and did his best to fight the evil rulers of smaller, disloyal nations......the great ruler defeated all the evil and everyone lived happily ever after."

Hmm, oookay.

One thing I'm learning more and more each day is how segmented the continent of Asia really is. Of course I knew there were certain hostilities between the nations because of history and whatnot, but I had no idea it was to this extent. It's disheartening to hear Chinese sentiments towards Taiwan and Japan, even Korea sometimes. I'm a strong believer in regional pacts and building social cohesion through economics and politics - and I can see the economic bonds being built between China, Japan, Korea, etc., through economics...but where are the social bonds? I think the world is on a path of change right now where the East is definitely gaining prominence and status, but I think the main players (China, Japan, Korea) need to come together to even make that prominence recognized at a global scale. Japan and Korea are still the most developed independent nations in Asia, and they became successful through their own Eastern models of development. They aren't former colonial states or anything. The countries are small, sure, but they're burgeoning with economic power, and China could gain a lot by being more open with them, not only economically, but socially as well. Perhaps the countries are already on a road to unity - I know Hu Jintao went to Japan in May to discuss Sino-Japanese cooperations, which is a great start. But then again, these ideas are simply contingent on my mood - sometimes I still think that China will take over the world because there will be so many Chinese people on Earth that there will be no other way.

Something to think about:

Yes, that is a box of soju and yes, that is a mechanical bull exercise machine.

This is my boyfriend. He is mine. (So what if he's a Fuwa)

2008-08-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

Culture shock:

Stage 1
During the first stage, foreign visitors often feel excited. The new country is interesting, the people are friendly and helpful, and the future looks promising.

Although I don't think that people in China are very friendly or helpful, and I don't think that the future looks promising, I still think I'd be best classified at the first stage of culture shock right now. There's not a day that goes by when I don't feel like I'm learning something new, or am incredibly amused in one way or another. I owe most of the feelings in this honeymoon period of culture shock to one thing:

Couples t-shirts.

They're everywhere here in Shanghai. Couples walk hand-in-hand and hold each other in the Subway...often times in matching t-shirts. Actually, let me correct myself. They wear shirts that compliment each other. One will say something like, "I love my boyfriend ---->" and the other will say "<----I love my girlfriend." They're so popular that there are even stores that only sell couples t-shirts. I couldn't believe that these were serious and was kind of weirded out by them at first, but then I thought...well, when in Rome (or Shanghai?)... So I went to one of these stores today and I bought a couples t-shirt. Actually, I got two...both for myself. I saw a girl on the subway once, without her boyfriend, sitting next to a little old lady with her couples t-shirt. It was such a hilarious sight that from that day on, I was determined to get a singular one to wear by myself.

Below are some examples. Since I don't have anyone to be my t-shirt counterpart, I am demonstrating how it would work with a Fuwa. (Fuwas are little icons for the Olympics that are full of Asian cuteness...a la Hello Kitty, Miffy, that Pucca girl thing etc.) Pretend that the Fuwa is wearing a shirt that says "This is my girlfriend. She is mine." or "To left. Girlfriend. My love."

My Qi is ticklish

2008-08-14T04:13:00.000-07:00

I got a full body massage for the first time today.

I probably should have remembered that I am incredibly ticklish...maybe next time a simple foot massage will suffice. It was pretty funny, though...I was basically giggling the whole time. The masseuse was like beating me up though - it was a pretty intense massage. He also stuck his fingers in my ears. That was kind of weird.

So I'm basically living the cushy life of an expat here in Shanghai - it's hard to avoid when the price of gluttony and service is so cheap. I was just talking to some other people in my program about how even though we've been here for a couple weeks, we really don't know what our lives are going to be like in China still. I leave for Fuzhou in less than ten days. Then, there goes my network of American peers, my friends, my students here, and city life. I'm a little nervous about it, but I know it will give me a chance to actually integrate at a greater level there.

I've taught two classes here and I think I'm improving as a teacher. I'm learning what to do, what not to do, and how to act. I've really taken teachers for granted. There's a lot of planning that goes into teaching that I never realized. I admit I'm not the best teacher, but I think my students are learning. And I'm having a blast. I'm not going to go into too many boring teacher details, but I think this picture my sum up my teaching style:

This was my lesson on Wednesday on fashion and clothing.

Poor TomCat...he really didn't want to put on that skirt. (But I think deep down inside he really did)

I think I had too much fun.

I probably set these kids up for a summer of ridicule and harassment from their fellow classmates...

Olympics, Buddhas, Draculas, and Acrobats!

2008-08-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

This country has gone mad.

Not that I'm blaming China...the Olympics are pretty damn cool. The opening ceremony was amazing (yeah?). I watched it with some of Cindy and Allen's friends (there were 8 of us...on 8.8.08...at 8:08 p.m.) at their apartment. Did anyone notice how Taiwan was shown as Taipei, China (or something like that?) and didn't carry their own flag. I made the mistake of asking that today to some Chinese people, and they immediately said "because Taiwan is China. They don't have a flag." Ookay... I also got the scoop from my the people in my group who went to an expat bar that night - apparently there were quite a few Chinese people there too and they all booed when Japan and France came out. Japan because, well, Japan isn't necessarily a favorite of China (nothing new). Then France because they support Tibetan independence (there was actually a widespread boycott of a French chain store here named Carrefour).

I also went to do some site seeing today. I went to the Jade Buddha, which is a temple in the middle of Shanghai that was constructed...long ago. Sorry, don't know my history right now. But what I do know is that the Chinese brought the statues over from Myanmar (Burma) and the man who carried them over begged for money to construct the temple. It was interesting because I've been wearing my Buddha necklace around here in China, and one of my students commented about it. I asked her if there are a lot of people in Shanghai who are Buddhist and she said yes, some, but that "our people have suffered so much that many people don't believe in a God." Ironically, the Buddha that I wear is the one that my parents worship. I don't really know a lot of the words in English, but she is a female icon who takes in the hardships and struggles of others to help alleviate their suffering. I've been thinking about what my student said a lot lately, so I asked my tour guide about this today and he said that Buddhism is still prevalent among older people and becoming popular with young girls, who come to the temples and pray for success with their boyfriends and relationships. Hardly the depth of practice that I'm used to in Vietnam or other countries in Southeast Asia. I don't really know how to make of these sentiments towards Buddhism here. I feel like it's just as much of a novelty here as it is in the United States. I think the cohesiveness around Buddhism is something that I really admired in Vietnam and for some reason, sad not to see here. Mostly because the presence and history of Buddhism is definitely there, but is for the most part being neglected, even culturally.

Anyways, I'll backtrack a bit now. I met my students a few days ago, and I observed a class on Friday. I'm teaching students from a local high school here - 15-16 y.o. What's funny is that all the Chinese students get to pick their own English names, so they just come up with the most random stuff. In my class, I have a Star, TomCat (or TomKat?), and...I think the winner goes to Dracula. Yes, there is a boy in my class who goes by Dracula. I've also heard of people naming themselves Barbie, Lucifer, Paper, Apple, Mustard, and Godspeed.

I gotta work on my lesson plan now! I teach my first class tomorrow!

Here's a video of the acrobat show I saw last Wednesday...sooo amazing.

limber shrimp

2008-08-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

i was thinking of doing a post on the ethnic sentiments here in china towards other asians in the county. or maybe the implications of the nationalistic sentiments that the olympics has wrought on the country. but instead, i will leave you with this video:

China: A love-hate relationship

2008-08-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

I admit it.

I'm in an abusive relationship.

It was my first real day in Shanghai today, and as beaten down and emotionally abusive it has been to me, I still kind of love it.

Love:

Cindy and Allen
pastries
exotic animals on the street.
6 kuai chicken
An easy Subway system
Jay Chou
Yuan conversion is same as Rand to dollar conversion

Hate:

Being mistaken for being Japanese, then in turn being treated rudely
Old ladies shoving me out of the way to buy a subway ticket
Censorship
People being rude in general
My Chinese being shot down
Smog
The creepy World Expo symbol

New words and phrases I've learned:
Buyao- I don't need
Buyong - I really don't need
ji - chicken
you minfan- with rice

Thoughts:
I'm gonna miss service in America
Never trust little old ladies
Crocs are still ugly...even in China
Cats here are really small

Survived...but being eaten alive

2008-08-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

Survived my first night in China! This will probably seem like less of an accomplishment if you knew that I have only walked down my front street and have yet to stray from my group of 11 teachers-to-be in the program. What a beautiful street it is, though. Pastries, sweet and sour chicken, foot massages, people everywhere, KFC...I'm not disappointed at all about this location. We went out to eat today, had a bit of pijiu, and my suspicions have been confirmed. I WILL be 300 pounds by the end of this year.

I'm in Shanghai right now getting ready to start my TESL program through the Colorado China Council. So I'm at a university hotel at Shanghai U for the month before I head off to Fuzhou. I'll be teaching high schoolers this month. Cindy and Allen are here too...so I plan to spend as much time with them as possible. They're gonna come by tomorrow, I think. :) It makes me so happy that I have friends and family in Asia. It makes everything a little less daunting knowing that people I care about are not too far away. It also makes things a little less daunting to know that I can always enjoy the leisurely activity of viewing an acrobat show.

Okay, this is starting to sound too much like a livejournal entry. I'm beat from the jetlag and being torn apart by these mosquitoes in my room. Goodnight. (Morning?)

Wo shuo zhongwen shuo de bu hao.

2008-07-18T15:21:00.000-07:00

If I combined everything I could remember from Chinese class (which I took more than two years ago), I could string along a set of sentences equating to something like,

"Hi. My name is Lan and I speak Chinese very poorly. What did you say? I did not hear. What is your honorable surname? I would like one cup of tea. I like to watch movies and play ball. I am Vietnamese. I am hungry. I like to eat at McDonalds. I like to drink beer at the library. I am a teacher. What's up?"

And that's about it. I've been studying some and I have a Chinese conversation partner out at UW. She's great, but I'm pretty sure she often pretends to understand me when she doesn't.

Anyways, I've been trying to speak some Mandarin in real life, whenever the opportunity comes up. Since practically everyone at UW is Chinese, I've been finding several opportunities to do so. I always go to this Bubble Tea place out in the U-District and when I went with my conversation partner, Yi-Jen, one of our "activities" was that I had to order my drink in Chinese. So I am up to order after she does, and all of a sudden I forget the line I had been rehearsing. So I slowly try to throw out any words that I can recover - "Yi bei...Yi..Yi bei jin-ju nai cha? Bin te! Um, Yi bei bin te jinju nai cha." (One cup of iced bubble tea.) The guy looks at me in kind of an endearing manner, but it mostly looks like he just feels sorry for me or something. He asks me something in Chinese and I say "Shi," yes, having no idea what I said yes to..just to seem less stupid. I pay and he says xie xie, which I get excited about because I remember that's "Thank you." Yi-Jen and I stay at the bubble tea place to talk and practice for quite a while, so I get a few chances to talk to the guy at the register, like when I come up for the key to the bathroom or when I was standing around reading the bulletin board. He's super nice to me and very accommodating, which was kind of nice, but then I begin to believe that he just thinks I'm slow...Which I later become positive of considering the tone he was using and the amount of guidance he was giving me to perform simple tasks, like finding my way to the bathroom and getting a straw for my drink. He's speaking to me in Chinese the whole time, so I don't know if it occurred to him that I'm not Chinese. I was mumbling Chinese to myself when I got to the counter to order (just to remember what to say), mangled the most simple sentence ever when ordering, and was just constantly saying thank you because that's all I knew how to say then. So I'm quite positive that instead of thinking that I didn't speak Chinese, and that was why I was acting the way I was, that I was just mentally disabled or something.

Sometimes I'm really glad that I'm Asian so that I won't be screaming "Waigouren" or foreigner, everywhere I go. But at the same time I kind of wish I had the slack that white people get. I hope everyone doesn't expect me to speak Chinese, and when they find out that I don't, don't get disappointed in me for not being able to speak it. Or that people don't think I'm mentally disabled, because I guess I can see how it can come across that way. Oy.

Up the Yangtze...to a new Revolution?

2008-07-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

I randomly stumbled upon the movie Up the Yangtze at the Varsity Theater up in the U-District the other day while I was walking around. I'm glad I walked in, because it was a great find. The movie ended up being exactly what I wanted to learn about China - the transformation that is going on in China and how it is being dealt with by "common people." Not the top businessmen or American investors, but how everyday people are anticipating their lives to turn out as China steadily rises as an economic power, and more specifically, the completion of the Three Gorges Dam.

This is the intro on the Web site: A luxury cruise boat motors up the Yangtze — navigating the mythic waterway known in China simply as “The River.” The Yangtze is about to be transformed by the biggest hydroelectric dam in history. At the river’s edge — a young woman says goodbye to her family as the floodwaters rise towards their small homestead. The Three Gorges Dam — contested symbol of the Chinese economic miracle — provides the epic backdrop for Up the Yangtze, a dramatic feature documentary on life inside modern China.

I heard a great analogy for China's path from one of the cruise workers in the movie...it goes something like this:

So a Chinese leader and an American leader are in the backseat of a car - driving down the road of life. On the left side is communism and on the right side is capitalism. The American leader says, I like the right side...I think it's best to turn right. The Chinese leader agrees - says he also wants to turn right. However, the Chinese leader turns on the left blinker.

I couldn't think of a better way to look at China's growth than that little story. With documentaries like "The People's Republic of Capitalism," which is a recent series by Ted Koppel on CNN, as well as images of a bustling China for the Olympics, but at the same time the strict visa policies that are keeping foreigners away, everything I've been hearing and seeing about China supports that.

I've learned a bit about the Three Gorges Dam in my classes and I feel like many stories about modern China reference the dam somehow. But I guess it took me the visual image of towns and villages literally disappearing under water to even begin to fathom the ramifications of the construction of this dam. People are constantly being displaced, and farmers are simply waiting for their livelihood to disappear into the Yangtze. (The farmers can't farm in the highlands that they are moved to.) And in the end, all of this construction is bundled together to be displayed as a giant commercial for China in the form of cruises, tours, and advertisements. The documentary follows a boat cruise that forms much of its itinerary around the construction of the dam and educating foreigners about all the "growth" and "potential" this brings for China -- of course, with the stories of the common people omitted from this version of China's future.

I've always accepted the notions of trade-offs in development, something that Prof Nick Konto always reiterated in my third-world development class. Development isn't pretty, and sometimes you have to sacrifice some things in order to bring about a greater utility in the country.

But China has been sacrificing a lot - most notably during the Cultural Revolution, and now, to a different kind of revolution as the Chinese people giving to the hands of capitalism. And considering the incredible rate of capitalistic growth in China, I don't consider this movement anything less than a revolution.

The idea of revolution is as admirable as it is romantic, but it's times like these when I am so thankful that I live in a country that is fairly stable. That's why it bothers me sometimes when I see Che shirts around campus or the so-called "revolutionaries" in college. I know just as much as anyone else that America needs certain changes. But actual revolutions - they fucking suck. And I find it hard to believe that these people, who have probably grown up in various suburbias in America, really understand what it means to struggle. I fall into this category because I will admit, I've lived a cushy life.

I look at my family in Vietnam who have lost land, people, and their sense of self through revolution. I stand conflicted on how I think of the Vietnam War and the communist take-over in general. My liberal arts education, as well as my own self reflection, has revealed to be the ills of a colonial society. So the Democratic Reupblic of Vietnam, under French rule, is not something that I revere. Then American history has taught me that the communists were ruthless and cruel, compromising not only the popular Vietnamese government, but the American government. I believe that much change was needed to overthrow the oppressive French-dominated government in Vietnam and relieve Vietnam of the parasitic hold that the French had enacted on them under colonialism. But at the same time, this is easy for me to say. I have nothing to lose. I can sit back, utilizing Marxist theory to express why this was necessary and ultimately beneficial for the people.

But I didn't lose all of my rice paddies, lose my well-paying government job because my family fled the country and came to America, or become a traitor of the state, simply because I was looking out for my safety and well-being.

Books and thoughts

2008-06-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

I read Peter Hessler's River Town a couple years ago for my Comparative Politics class at UPS, and I thought I'd revisit it to prepare for my trip to China. Hessler is a journalist who at 27, went to China as a Peace Corps volunteer for two years. He went there in 1996, after the Cultural Revolution and during the initial construction of the Three Gorges Dam, witnessing much of the development around it as he was situated along the Yangtze.

One reoccurring theme I noticed is that Hessler earns his credibility in the book is through clearly establishing his place in the society, and making that a central theme of the book. The concept of him being a "waigouren," or foreigner (with self-proclaimed Western ideals), is a staple of the book as he reconciles his Western upbringing with Communist Chinese ideology. He's careful with his details, often showing, not telling, and when he does "tell," it is with precision and responsibility. Most anecdotes are preceded by a backstory or short blurbs of Chinese history, which help explain the events that transpired. He also gives his students just as much of a voice as his own, citing their journals and writings. Most of the book is spent explaining how nothing is ever as it seems: "I was a Peace Corps volunteer but I wasn't; China was Communist but it wasn't."

I find Hessler's reflection on his role in China and his position as "waigouren" particularly interesting because I often thought about this when I was in South Africa, and will undoubtedly again when I'm in China. It's a question that's important in my intended field of work...diplomacy, international trade, etc. Do I have a responsibility, as an American, to adhere to the Western values that have been instilled in me? Or is that imposing? And what about the way people perceive me? Why do they keep treating me like a foreigner? (Oh yeah, I am one). I made a promise to myself that in whatever type of international service I am apart of, I will not go to a country to transform anything, but rather facilitate development according to the values of the country. Of course, there will be aspects of a country's actions that I will undoubtedly be morally opposed to (human rights violations, etc.), but for the most part, I won't be there to impose. And also to know my place. I'm not an American there to spread American ideology or to save anybody, but to help in any way I can. I think Hessler embraces this mentality as well, which is what makes his critiques easier to read (and by that I mean we have the same outlook, so I like him).

Except that for me in China, no one will know that I'm a waigouren
, or more specifically a Meigouren, or American. And no one will know that I'm technically a Yuenan-Meigouren, or Vietnamese American, unless I tell them.

---

I picked up Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert today, only to drop it after reading the first few chapters at Barnes and Noble. Maybe I dismissed it too hastily, but the notion of this woman embarking to "find herself" in all of these "spiritually rich" places - Italy, India, and Indonesia (or perhaps it was just the enticing alliterative element?) kind of signaled the predictable actions of a journey elicited by a white, middle-class woman in the midst of a self-induced crisis. This notion was confirmed when I started on the scene of the narrator crouched on the floor of her bathroom while her husband slept in his bed, "flooding" the tiles with her tears because she was sooo unhappy about this "perfect" yet unsatisfactory life that she was leading. Wah wah. Maybe I'm just sick of that story, but I'm over hearing about shallow middle class problems and shallow ways of solving them. Get over yourself, Elizabeth Gilbert. All of this is from a book that I didn't read - so I may be wrong. Maybe she does have some poignant and deep epiphany that I would find admirable...but probably not. If the rest of her book is written in the egotistical tone that was establishes at the beginning of the book, then it is probably the most annoying book in the world. I just have a hard time identifying with a character that goes searching for herself by using the world as her own personal playground. Flings, romancitization of eastern religion, acts of philanthropy transcneding into self-discovery...whatever. I'd rather go watch the Sex and the City movie.

While I'm on books, I'm currently reading Sherman Alexie's Ten Little Indians now. I was actually recommended this author by my creative writing professor, Dolen, who actually knows my reading preferences pretty well. She's pretty much nailed it with every reading suggestion - all derived from reading my stories. Crazy how someone can deconstruct who you're reading and who you like to read from your writing. Anyways, this book brings it more to home than any of the others I've talked about. I didn't know this before I bought it, but Sherman Alexie is from Washington State, and if I'm not mistaken, a Spokane Indian. All of his stories are about Spokane Indians and deal with, in some way, issues of Native American identity in the United States. All the stories I've read take place in Washington State. I love it. I love it because it's local. I love it because it tackles issues that are important to me. And I love his voice. Alexie is so funny. I guess this proves that I don't need to search far and wide for a good story, or place a story in a foreign location to for an exciting read - there are dynamic and culturally rich stories right here in Eastern Washington.

DEBRIEF

2008-06-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

So I obviously didn't blog at all in SA. Besides for being in my head, my thoughts are scattered among notebooks, journals, e-mails, and random scraps of paper. I was just reading on my friend Amanda's blog about how she said she's a bad blogger...well so am I. It's in my nature to record everything I experience, but that's why I have a journal. And that's why each entry is coded in a way that only I can really understand. Besides the random coherent paragraphs, a simple shopping list reveals to me a whole slew of memories of the day and what I did. A word or two, paired with a date that I jotted down is enough to trigger the event surrounding "ready," or "falling flowers." And a business card or a piece of grass are more than words can express. It's not often I write about myself for other people. If I do write for other people it's either fiction or a story unrelated to me.

Blogging can be fun, though. I'll try to do more at my next destination: Fuzhou, Fujian, China, where I'll be teaching at Hwa Nan Women's College for the 2008-09 school year.

In the meantime, I'm compiling some excerpts from my writings in South Africa. Most of these are e-mails right now. I might go through my journal, but probably won't.

9.01.07
I'm actually writing this next to a fire under
the vast, slightly polluted, but still beautiful South African
sky...trying to steal wireless at this backpacker's lodge. I can't
believe I've only been here for a couple days...it feels like a lot
longer. Not in a bad way, but in the way that I haven't slept for a
while. I saw my third consecutive sunrise this morning. First in the
series was Rockaway, NJ, where I spent a few days visiting my family.
Next was Dakar, Senegal, where I stopped for an hour, and finally, I
watched the sunrise in Johannesburg this morning. Amazing.

I'm doing orientation here for a few more days, then it's off to Cape
Town. I got in a couple nights ago and so far I've only hung around
the backpacker's lodge and went around Johannesburg today. My day
started at 8 a.m., when my program took us to the Constitution Museum
in Jo-Burg and Soweto today. It hasn't necessarily sunk in yet. All
I can do now is put pen to paper so that later I can piece together
the day where I spent looking at Archbishop Tutu's old house, then
went down the road to Nelson Mandela's. It's so incredibly surreal
stepping off the car into Soweto and seeing all that I've read about,
seen on television, and imagined in books right in front of my face.
Soweto. I can't believe I was there today.

....
9.17.07
*I'm finally in my home stay now. It's really nice. My mama is a retired woman and I stay here with her and my bhuti (brother), who is her friend's son. He already asked me to be his second wife, which I was glad to hear is simply only a compliment here. He's rasta...pretty chill. Has a really intense job as a risk analyst for businesses and is a really, really bright guy. He's really one of the nicest people I've ever met -- I actually just had a really good conversation with him about his work and all the restructuring that is going on with businesses and corporations as they are transitioning to being black-owned firms. I'm really learning so much in my home stay.

* Food here is soooo wonderful, my mama is so good to me :) I'm not going to get fat, though since I got a gym membership and I am going to try to go every day. Except tomorrow, since I'm walking to McDonald's. I definitely feel cabin fever here sometimes since we can't really leave our houses. I go to sleep at 9 or so most days and wake up at 6. So it's not really a big problem...plus some people live near me. The weekends are fun, though, since we've been going out and staying at hostels in Cape Town. All is great here, but I have bed bugs or something. I am not sure what's biting me, but I'm being eaten alive at night and I don't know what to say to my host mama. I just feel bad bringing it up...I'm just gonna sleep in my sleeping bag from now on maybe?

*My township is called Langa, which is about four miles outside of where I go to school (in Rondebosch, next to Univ. of Cape Town). Last week, there was a pretty big protest here that has been more or less ongoing in the area. I ended up being about an hour and a half late to school because of it (partly because our driver didn't know what to do). A bunch of people were protesting the movement of the shacks or "informal settlements" to this other area of town, which is far away from the city center. Basically, the city wants to move all the people that are living in shacks on the outskirts of the Langa township since it's overcrowded. The residents, even though they would be moving into new homes in another township, are protesting because they believe they still reserve the rights to their settlements, even if they're informal. They were burning a lot of things...like police cars, and I saw in the paper that there was bloodshed.

*I go to school pretty much on the UCT campus, which is picturesque and wonderful, though. It's such a stark contrast, it's disgusting. I'm so glad I am doing the home stay...it gives me a little better perspective of what SA is really like. Not like being an Asian (essentially white) college student living here for a month will make me understand the lives of black South Africans living in the township, but it does give me a better understanding of the disparity in this country.

*isiXhosa is the language that I'm learning here. I'm learning a language with tongue clicks!! It's pretty cool (Nelson Mandela's mother tongue). I never really have homework or that much reading, so that's nice too.

*I am Asian. Most definitely have never been more aware of it in my life until now. But I don't know Jackie Chan or Jet Li, I am not Chinese, and I don't know karate (Ok, I kinda do...but I don't really want to perpetuate the stereotype). Everyone is extremely aware of race here (understandably), whether you're black, white, yellow, whatever. I know there aren't many Asians here, but I am getting really tired of all the exoticism around me being Asian. I get it in my township the most, where kids just stare at me (or throw rocks at me while calling me "China"...that actually happened one time while I was walking to lunch). When I go out to the clubs, every guy that approaches me says something about me being Asian (first thing), saying things like "Hey sweetie...Wo ai ni." I'm getting to the point where I'm getting really angry and I just don't want to walk away...but saying back the fuck up you mofo might not fly so well since most of these men are actually really scary looking. I am also confused as to why so many people know random Chinese phrases here. My friend Lai Wa and I talk about this a lot...we both wondered about where we'd fit in here as Asians, but I don't think either of us thought it would be to this magnitude. Oh, and when I went to visit a school in Langa, the 9th graders I was visiting happened to be studying Hiroshima. Oh, dear lord. It was impossible to explain to these kids that I am NOT Japanese and was NOT alive during the second world war.

...
10.15.07
..last week I was in East London doing my rural home stay and now I'm in Durban taking classes at the SIT classrooms here near the University of KwaZulu Natal. I guess the juciest news thus far is that I got mugged yesterday on the beach here in Durban. It went by really fast and was by knifepoint - two guys surrounded me and four other guys surrounded my other four friends that I was with. I'm pretty sure they were coming for me mostly because I had a bright purse that obviously had a camera, cell phone, etc. I tried to take my purse back from them, but they just pulled the knife closer to me and told me not to touch it and that they'd kill me (this was all done in whispers, by the way...creepy). I'm sad I lost my camera, but other than that, I didn't lose much. My cell phone was super cheap and all my bank cards are cancelled (thank you Benny and Cindy!!!!), so there's not much they can do. I'm trying to have a good attitude while I'm here because I actually do love Durban...but at the same time I feel like I have to be so aware here of sketchy situations ...it just makes me so mad that I always have to be on the defensive. I'm also a little out of it now because this malaria medicine I'm taking apparently makes people crazy, apparently.

My rural home stay was last week...and it was pretty good. Not much to say other than my friend Roxanne and I lived like royalty with our host families (not expected, huh? Definitely re-evaluated my notions of what it means to be rural, and how it does not necessarily equate poor). Things were still limited though. I peed and bathed in a bucket. Not the same one. Saw a tortoise on a leash named Terrance in a field with a bunch of chickens. Umm...and ate lots of fat cakes.

...
11.23.07
I had my first traditional Thanksgiving this year (and of course, in all places, South Africa...) and let me just say it is my new favorite holiday. Our group all went to Stellenbosch (white people land, wine land as well), which is about an hour away from Cape Town by train. We were hosted by a couple of my friends' old host family -- these super rich white people who have a really sweet house, wine cellar, posh pool, and some Siamese cats. I basically drank as much of their wine as I could and ate myself into a state that is probably one level off from being comatose. I remember being pretty drunk from the wine and at one point not even looking at what I was putting in my mouth. Turkey, gravy, squash, ham, truffles all at the same time, probably -- hey, it's all food, right? We just left this morning and I was determined to steal those Siamese cats and sell them. That and wipe out their wine cellar. It didn't end up happening, but I'm planning a full on heist of that household at some point before I leave. I feel bad because they're nice. But good people? Eh. Not so sure I'd go that far. So I don't feel bad.

We're in this period of our program called ISP (Independent Study Project) where we're on our own and writing our research paper. I'm living in an upscale flat in a yuppy part of town with four other girls. The flat is honestly a little too nice for me to be comfortable in and my housemates are nice but I think we just have different living styles. Um, sharing is not really part of the deal and I'm not into immediately doing dishes after I eat. But I guess this is the cleanest house I've ever lived in, so that's nice. I'm doing my research on the Afrikaner population and how the development of their identities in post-apartheid South Africa influences their propensity to migrate. And then, how that migration effects the nation-building process. I have to go to Stellenbosch to research this topic a lot, which is nice because it is so safe there, but I still feel pretty uneasy when I go there (people in our age demographic are what I like to call hipster meets white supremacist.) I have no emotional attachment to that place and mostly just go there to use their library resources and leave a mess there. And drink wine, of course.

Now that we have time off from school, I also have been exploring Cape Town. I feel like I'm all partied out or something -- I haven't been to a club in a while and I might just be over it for now. I've mostly been going to check out the arts scenes around here (Cape Town is so amazing). Music, fashion, movies, etc. I've been a bit of a shop-a-holic here because fashion here is just so cool -- not afraid to use color, fun, daring. Last week, I went to watch a lesbian porn at the "Out in Africa" gay-lesbian film festival. My friend Lai Wa and I went as the gaysian couple (hah, I'm pretty sure everyone actually thought so). It was probably more interesting than arousing...I'm glad I saw it. Some days here though, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Did I ever expect to decide to spend a Saturday night out at a bar with a friend and then going to lesbian porn -- in Africa? Never. I also saw Rent last week. Great show -- so much better than the movie. The actors slipped up sometimes with their American accents, but it was okay.

Now, I'm just taking it easy mostly and living life here for a few more weeks. Time is going by so fast -- I can't believe it's already time to start thinking about going home.

Plans

2007-08-11T21:28:00.001-07:00

I'm really bad at blogging -- I'm sorry. I'm back to this blog, since I'm not expecting any issues with censorship in South Africa (but who knows). And since this blog address is the one that I've given to people and has been published, I'll just stick with this one. Anyways, right now, I'm finishing up my summer research project in Tacoma, which I should be getting on the internet soon. The plan is to build a Web site for it, so I'll post the address when I finish.

I'm leaving for New York City on Aug. 27, then from there I'm on a direct flight to Johannesburg on the 30th. I think I'm spending a few days there for orientation, then heading down to Cape Town. I don't know much about what I'm doing/where I'm living/etc. All I know is that I'm going to be living about four miles away from the University of Cape Town (where my classes will be), in the Langa Township for the first month. Then, I'll be staying in a rural area, then with an Afrikaaner family, and finally with a family of an ethnic minority in South Africa. It hasn't really sunk in yet that I'm leaving -- but I'm getting super antsy to go...less than 20 days! I'm still waiting for my visa, though...argh.

I'll try to blog as much as I can when I'm abroad, but as I found out when I was trying to keep this up when I was in Vietnam -- it's really hard. Not only is it physically difficult (to think of all the times I went searching for wi-fi or an outlet where I could charge my computer), but it's really impossible to capture everything you experience in a blog entry. Sometimes, what I was experiencing was so overwhelming, I'd feel bad for trying to illustrate everything through words. As if somehow, I was reducing all my feelings and experiences when I put them into words. Not to say my experiences were too grand for words, but perhaps I just felt bad for not having the words to do them justice. But this time, I'm really going to try and get down what I can, even if it doesn't really make sense to the rest of the world. Hopefully this blog will give you guys an idea of what I'm doing, and will help me fill in the blanks later on when my memory fails me. Anyways, I'm off now -- I'll try to figure out how to put up all the pictures from Vietnam on this. A little delayed, but oh well.

2007-06-09T09:04:00.001-07:00

I made a new site. Just go here from now on: http://www.xanga.com/nguyentuyetlan.

2007-06-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

After thinking that my internet was broken, I just realized that Blogger is blocked here in Hanoi. I can update my page, but I can't look at it.

Welcome to Hanoi, a city for peace

2007-06-09T03:57:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened lately, but I've really been too physically exhausted to post. I just got back from a hike outside of Ha Long Bay...it was absolutely beautiful.

I'm in Ha Long right now, a little over two hours outside of Hanoi. Basically, I've had some of the most amazing experiences in the past few days, as well as a series of unfortunate events....

I went out to the night market in Hanoi last night with some people I met on my tour group, and someone cut my purse there and my wallet was stolen. The market was really really crowded, and there were times where I kept feeling people bump into me. I definitely tried to be careful and turned around whenever that happened, but apparently I didn't pay enough attention. I came home and found a clean cut down the side of my purse, and my wallet was gone. It had over 500,000 Dong -- I'm guessing about 50 USD. I also lost my list of contacts and phone numbers...family, friends, and e-mails and numbers of people I've met while here. I can find most of the contacts I lost, but gah. I feel really stupid and naive for maybe being careless with my purse -- I've noticed that only foreigners carry their purses loosely on their sides, or wear it over their shoulders towards the back. I always held it close to my body, for fear of it being snatched. But I never thought someone would cut my purse. Thank God I didn't have anything else in my wallet, like papers or my passport. I usually kept my cell phone and camera in that wallet, but for some reason that day I got lazy and just threw them in my bag. Both were still there. Anyways, I'm feeling better today, but I'm still kind of paranoid. It was a $50 lesson, and a humbling experience. I'm not really as on top of my game I as I thought. It just feels like I'm constantly being scammed here. At the market, getting a taxi... I always try to be careful with the taxis I take, but a couple days ago I took one that had a legitimate company label on it, but when I went inside, the meter was weird. By the time I was almost to the spot I needed to be dropped off at, the price had suddenly jumped up to about three times the normal fare. I said something, but the cab driver just said that all taxis have different prices, and it was high traffic that day (which is total crap). There's a big problem with non-legit taxis going around. I think people just buy cars and plop a taxi sign on it, and charge people ridiculous prices with their faulty meters. They're usually easy to spot, since they don't have company signs on them...but if you're not familiar with all the companies here, sometimes it's hard to pick them out.

Well, now that I got all that out, I really have been having a really good time otherwise. Before I left Saigon, I met up with Kate, a sophomore from UPS. It was pretty cool meeting someone from school in Saigon...it's a small world! Thanks Nick, by the way, for hooking us up. We went to cafes and furniture stores...and it was basically a good time.

I also met up with a professor from Vietnam National University - Hanoi, the first night I was in the city. He was at UPS for a semester last year, and I met him at an Asian Studies banquet or something. Anyways, we met up and had a really good talk about my research, UPS, and Vietnam. I learned a lot about what the future plans are for the country -- Vietnam is working on a subway system and some type of high-speed train that should be ready in 5-10 years. The high-speed train will connect Hanoi and HCM City, and it will take 10 hours to travel between the two. The new transportation will hopefully alleviate some of the congestion. The subway system project is being undertaken by a German comany, which will take all the profits from the tolls. It's too bad that the profits from the system will be paying back the foreign investment, but I think that the Vietnam will profit sooo much from the subway system.

Despite the wallet incident, I really love Hanoi. It's a lot less chaotic than HCM City, and it's absolutely beautiful. It's a lot cleaner, very chic and stylish (a mix between Vietnamese, Chinese, and French architecture), and the people seem to be more attractive? Lots of tourists here. I saw Ho Chi Minh's body today, too. It was a quick walk around his glass coffin, but a pretty powerful experience just seeing the body of the man that was such a big part of Vietnam's modern history. I heard stories about people crying as they walked through his mausoleum. Really intense.

Today and yesterday, I've been hiking around near Hanoi to some old temples. My mom came with me today and we hiked to one of the highest temples in the area (I was pretty surprised -- she made it all the way up with me). We went to see some caves yesterday too...it was pretty cool. So tiring, though. I'm going to DaNang in a couple days to see my cousin, then Quy Nhon, then Malaysia, then Saigon again to wrap things up. Anyways, I'm gonna swim or watch some MTV Asia now (it's so cool!) -- Later.

Hello, do you speak English?

2007-06-05T00:21:00.000-07:00

I've taken solace in the tourist district of Saigon. Shameless picture taking and people with backpacks...It makes me feel like less of an idiot. Plus, free wireless!

It's kind of like Starbucks...

2007-06-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

http://vietnamesegod.blogspot.com/2006/06/highland-cafe_09.html

There aren't any Starbucks here in Vietnam yet, but just about every chic coffee shop has the label "it's like Starbucks." The coffee shop I was talking about in one of my earlier posts is Highlands Cafe, like the link above, but I went to the one in Saigon (I just lifted the link of someone's blog...I don't even know who that is or if I'm allowed to do that). From what I hear, it's a place that is kept hush-hush from tourists, for fear that it will become an attraction, and is mostly used by businesspeople and such. The place's modernity surprised me. It was like one of those fancy Vietnamese restaurants that you walk into in the United States and think, "Wow, this is not Vietnam." But this is Vietnam for the budding upper-middle and business class here. Instead of girls in bamboo hats taking your order, they're uniformed waitresses/waiters with palm pilots, discretely storing your preferences in their little computers for their own knowledge as they anticipate your next visit. And word on the street is that the likes of these are expanding. It was pretty exciting for me to stumble upon this coffee shop-- it definitely gave me insight on the growing demographic here. If you ever find yourself at one of these, the passion fruit italian soda I had was super tasty :)

2007-06-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

alright, i feel really bad for leaving...but I didn't know what to do. I never know whether I should give money or not...especially when they're asking to go on the internet and they're six years old.

I need to figure out my flight schedule and such before day ends, so I'm out. Later.

Why did you cut your hair short? It's so ugly.

2007-06-02T00:06:00.000-07:00

So this little girl that is sitting next to me in this internet cafe is just chillin, and talking to me. She's the cutest little baby ever (She's literally like, two years old. I think..). Until she started to speak (do children know how to speak at two years old?). She just asked me why my hair is so short, because it's really ugly. I really don't know what is up with people being so anti-short hair here. Pretty much everyone has commented on it...asking why I cut it off and if people I know actually like it. Sort of sad, since I've been used to getting positive comments on my hair when I'm here. But this little girl is reaaallly cute and I still like her. She's sassy. I really don't know who she is though, and hope that she doesn't follow me out of here or something...

I'm having less luck with my other research prospects...no responses, no call backs. So guess I'll just wait, and travel...

I'm thinking of going to Malaysia and Singapore next week. My mom and I were thinking of going on a tour, which I normally would try to steer away from, but I really don't feel like being lost in Malaysia anytime soon.

Woah, I just asked this girl her age and she's six. I swear, she looks like she's two. Or maybe it's because I haven't seen many children? Well, Vietnamese children do tend to be smaller....

Anyways, when I come back to Vietnam, I'm going to go to Quy Nhon, DaNang (where I'll visit my family, and then Hanoi, where I can hopefully meet up with a professor and tour the city (I've never been!)

I'm so freaked out by this little girl. She's talking to me a lot now and speaking gibberish. She wants to know what my name is and where I live. I do not trust her now, because looks can be deceiving. She says she's her with her father...but I don't see anyone over 15 here. Lies, I bet. Ok, I lied...she just called this other kid ugly... and when he looked back, she said "What? I called your face ugly. What are you still doing looking back?" She might officially be my hero. Hm, except she's asking me for money to play on the computer...which I'm not sure if I should give her money for? Ok, I'm going to find another internet cafe...

This is only going to happen once.

2007-05-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

Take all my complaints about how difficult it is to live in Vietnam and scratch that. I just experienced what it's like to live in businessworld here.

This morning, I went out to an interview with an analyst from IDG Ventures Vietnam today. We went out to Highlands Coffee, which is a ritzy, upscale Starbucks that seems to only surface on the radar of business elites. It was an amazing interview, and I learned more than I ever expected from a two-hour conversation. It's all about connections, connections, connections...and the analyst I was talking to happens to work with the Minister of Education in Vietnam. I learned a lot about educational and immigration policy, from the source that I thought would be least likely to provide me that information.

But beyond good quotes and policy references for my research project, it was really refreshing to talk to someone who was able to provide me so much insight on what it's like working in Vietnam. It's something that I've thought about doing ever since my first trip here, but it's always just been sort of a fantasy. I've been doutbful, thinking that it will be far too difficult for me to actually jump through all the hoops and land a job here, and when I do, it won't be what I want/expected. But today, Pho simply asked me, "What's the worst that could happen?" Well, for me, I could probably walk out into the street, get hit by a motorbike, and die. But other than that, I may lose touch with some people in the states, be uncomfortable for a while...I don't know. Being part of development process that Vietnam is undergoing, even in the most minute ways, seems to be more rewarding than any job in America can offer me. Pho, the analyst I was talking to, is probably contributing to some of the most fundamental policies in venture capital funds in Vietnam, simply by being part of one of the first venture capital funds in the country.

As Pho said, this development process here, it's only happening once.

I'm not really in a rush to figure out my life, but I'm starting to feel rushed at this point to make a decision, at least an initial one, career-wise. After talking to Pho, it got me thinking about where I'm most useful and in what ways I can maximize my ultility (did I just use an econ term to describe my personal life?). It makes developing a career in Vietnam much more appealing.

What I was getting to in my last post before I started falling asleep, was that I feel like it's becoming noticeable that the gains that people are making here (economically, socially, and intellectually), are developing way too fast for the government to keep up with. Most people here are demanding the latest in technology, but there's not enough infrastructure in the country to support that demand. People want the latest laptops, but the country is lagging in wire/wireless technology, as well as internet policies. People want (and are getting) SUVs, but there's not enough space on the roads to drive them. So what now? Do people need to slow down? Can they? Should there be more pressure on the government to progress?

Well, in other news, I think I caught whatever was going around at school before I left...I have a cold here now, which is pretty much unbearable in this weather. My aunt is really into eastern medicines...and I've been drinking honey and weird extracts all week. And there are pigs everywhere (statues and such). Granted, it's the year of the pig. But are all the pigs really necessary?

vietnam, take three

2007-05-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

just so you all know -- i'm braving the most humid room ever right now with a room full of children playing world of warcraft. plus this dog keeps sniffing my leg.

welcome to vietnam. trip to vietnam number three has been pretty good so far, but there are some things that i don't think i'll ever get used to. a year after my last trip, with adequate time for me to romanticize the images of the country in my head for this current trip, i am propelled back into reality as i find myself holding my breath every time i cross the street. motorbikes are speeding by right past me as i sit here in this internet cafe, with the heat of computers and the stagnant air closing in on me. i really love it here, but i always forget when i leave that living in a developing country is really a task, or a test, at least for an unexperienced 'foreigner" like me.

i'm here this summer for my grant to do ipe research, which has been going well so far. i have an interview tomorrow with a representative from idg ventures vietnam, a capital venture fund that provides consulting work and resources for developing businesses in vietnam. i'm pretty excited -- i'm contacting some other businesses and newspapers while i'm in saigon as well. for those of you who don't know, my research topic is on the brain gain in vietnam and how it effects the development process if the country. i am focusing on educational and immigration policy, but i'm also researching mncs and companies like idg, and their role in facilitating the development of human capital in the country. i'll be travelling throughout the country, though, looking at all the different faces that contribute to this brain gain.

but as of now, i'm mostly getting settled in and just taking care of business. i went to cho dem today, which is the "night market." it's pretty interesting going to the touristy areas of the country and seeing what kind of people come here. i've only seen one american family in the three years that i've visited -- most people are european, korean, and this time, i noticed a lot of middle eastern or indian people. the expansion of the country is noticeable year-by-year -- it actually reminds me of how i feel when i go back home to richland. 'was this home depot here the last time i came home?" here, it's, "wow, was this 5-story hotel here the last time i was here?"

i also saw nhi, this girl that i met the first time i visited here. she's my aunt and uncle's old neighbor, and used to just come by and visit all the time. i swear, there may not be indoor plumbing everywhere, and the streets of saigon may be a mess, but everyone here has the snazziest cell phones ever. i even saw a street kid using a motorola razor today. anyways, nhi came over with one of those chocolate cell phone things, and talked for hours about what's hot and what's not in pop culture. it has been years since i've renewed my teen magazine subscriptions and haven't been keeping up with the top 40 charts. i was lost.

anyways, i'm going to randomly cut this off because i'm too tired to finish my thoughts. it's only about 10 p.m. here, but i woke up at 6 today. yes, me, i woke up at 6!! so, night...